


Requiem Of Memories

by thorkified



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Fighting, Gore, Heavy Angst, Loneliness, M/M, Mourning, Nightmares, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Regrets, Rough Sex, The Definition of MFEO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 05:11:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13380864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: After Lucifer's Death, Sam is stuck in the alternative universe with none other than this version of the Devil himself. He can't handle the loss of his other half so shortly after they began to work things out and it throws the hunter into a spiral of depression and self-loathing that he can't seem to escape. What he doesn't expect is to find comfort in the unfamiliar Lucifer that gave him shelter though and when he does it creates more problems than it solves for both of them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Nightmares Become Reality](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106833) by [thorkified](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified). 



> It's finally done, the sequel to my Big Bang "Nightmares Become Reality". I hope you enjoy more pain ♥

Sam didn’t know where he would end up when he decided to leave with Lucifer but after what had happened he didn’t care about it at all. They could jump into an erupting volcano, it wouldn’t have changed a thing. When he ended up in a dark room with only the dim light from a window giving him an impression of his surroundings, he didn’t even frown. He simply sat down on the nearest surface, which happened to be a creaky old bed, and covered his face with his hands.

“You will be safe here,” Lucifer said after a few moments, his low voice barely reaching Sam’s ears through the numbness taking over him. “If you need anything you can call for me, I will let someone prepare a better room for you for now.”

Sam raised his head slowly, as if to take in the room he was in, even though he could barely see anything due to his blurred vision. What he did see was a room no one had been in for ages apparently. Eventually, he shook his head and looked down at the ground.

“It’s okay here,” he sighed weakly. “Just… just leave me alone please…”

“Of course,” Lucifer nodded. “I know you need time, you will have all you need. If you get hungry let me know, there is water on the counter next to you already.”

“Thanks.”

Sam didn’t wait for the angel to leave before he curled up on the dusty bed, facing the wall. He had no energy to talk or to even think, not now and maybe never, but it didn’t matter. He just wanted to sleep and preferably never wake up again, even though he knew that wouldn’t happen. But why should he be awake? He didn’t know where he was or what would happen next, he didn’t even want to go back home anymore just to lose more people he cared for. It would happen, it always did, so he would just lay here until he starved or something.

There was no way to tell the time when Sam finally woke up again, but it was dark outside and an ominous red light wavered into the room. He sat up with a groan, rubbing his eyes way too long and feeling fifty pounds heavier than usually, as if his guilt and remorse had taken physical form and clung to him now. Maybe that was the case, he couldn’t tell.

He sat in the darkness for a long time, not having the urge to move or do anything really. All he did was stare out of the window and listen to the silence around him. It wasn’t all silence, however, he noticed that very quickly. From time to time he heard distant footsteps or a haunting howl that seemed to come from a different location every time. There were also banging noises sometimes, as if someone knocked against a heater somewhere. Sam had no idea what any of these noises meant and he had no desire to find out. At one point he stood up and walked over to the counter to drink a glass of water - it tasted stale, but he still drank it. Other than that, he just sat on the bed, staring into the dark red sky and thought of nothing.

Sometime during the night, Sam didn't know how long after he woke up, he heard a knock behind him and turned around.

“Come in.”

He expected Lucifer to walk in, but instead a young woman entered the room, or at least he thought it was a woman first. When she stepped into the light from the window, Sam noticed the horns on her forehead and squinted his eyes. A demon.

“Master Lucifer asked me to bring you something to eat,” the demon said in a slightly arrogant tone and Sam’s lips jerked a bit. Of course she didn't like him, how obvious. “He will come back to you later when your room is ready.”

“Thank you,” Sam said as polite as he could right now and watched her put a plate down on the counter. When she pulled her hands back and turned around she looked disgusted.

“Don't try to run away,” the demon suddenly said very cold, a creepy smirk on her face. “You won't make it very far, unless you can fly or turn into a fish.”

She left without saying anything else, leaving Sam frowning and very confused. What was that supposed to mean, fly or turn into a fish? As soon as the thought appeared it became meaningless already again, however, and Sam shrugged it off. It didn't matter anyways. He didn't plan to run away, if anything he'd just call for Lucifer to kill him. If he could find the strength for that because even the thought of seeing the other right now made his stomach tighten. So, instead of wondering what the demon tried to tell him, Sam stood up to see what she brought in.

Much to Sam's surprise - who had expected similar can food like he found in the cabin - the plate was actually filled with fresh fruits and something that looked very similar to a steak. There was also a brown liquid in a mug, which was most likely coffee. Sam took the plate and walked over to the window, where a small table and two chairs stood, and sat down. The food looked rather bloody with the light from outside, but Sam still ate it with no hesitation. Even if he didn't have the will to go on, starving seemed like a rather painful way to go out in the end.

After eating some of the fruit and taking a few bites of the steak, Sam’s stomach made an awful sound and cramped together, blowing away the little bit of hunger he had started to feel right away. He pushed the plate away and bend over to lay his head on the table, holding his stomach as he waited for the pain to go away again. It took a few minutes before it turned into a dull pressure and he managed to sit up again. Sam ignored the rest of the food and the coffee and walked back to the bed, falling onto it straight away and curling back up into a ball. The shirt he wore, still one from the cabin, was not enough to keep the cold away, but he still used it as a blanket of sorts and hid under it completely before falling back asleep. He didn’t want to sleep but he didn’t want to stay awake either. 

All of this was a nightmare and Sam didn’t know how to escape. Even when he tried not to think about anything, whenever he closed his eyes for just a second he saw Lucifer in his arms, his white and blind eyes staring through him and his lips moving without a sound. It made his chest ache and the pressure on his lungs so bad that breathing became an exercise. How he should keep going like this was a mystery to him.

Sam didn’t sleep long or even very deep, but he was still plagued by painful visions in which he was frozen in place, staring at his other half dead on the floor as those filthy beasts tore him apart. He tried to scream, but his body just wouldn’t obey no matter how hard he tried. All he could do was watch and let hot tears run down his face, begging for this to end or for them to turn around and do the same to him. It was all useless though. No matter how hard he tried, he didn’t wake up.

What eventually did rip Sam out of his nightmare was not his own will, but someone shaking his shoulder. He jolted awake and ripped his arms up so fast that he punched whoever was trying to wake him, but in this moment he couldn’t bother to care. His heart was racing so fast, it felt like it would jump out of his throat the next second. Sweat covered not only his forehead and neck, but made his clothes stick to his skin and he felt ice cold from head to toes. When he finally managed to look for who woke him up, his eyes still ripped open in panic and shock, he found a familiar angel rubbing his cheek.

For a second Sam almost felt the need to apologize - his still clouded mind didn’t immediately realize that the Lucifer in front of him was not the one he wanted him to be. Once the truth settled in though, his sympathy ebbed away and his throat tightened, preventing every sound coming from him. He just stared at the angel in silence and waited.

“Your room is ready,” Lucifer informed him, not particularly angry or mad for some reason. “It’s bigger and clean, you can stay there if you wish to.”

Sam couldn’t answer, so he simply nodded. Otherwise, he stayed where he was and didn’t make an attempt to get up or speak.

“I know this isn’t a pretty place, but if you stay outside you are in danger. You will have everything you need here.”

“No…” Sam managed to say with a thick voice and shook his head. “No, not everything.”

Lucifer sighed audibly. He held out a hand for Sam, who took it after a minute and let the angel help him off the bed. When Lucifer left the room, Sam followed him without much eager and his head lowered. He didn’t want to move or speak, but if he did what the other wanted he might be able to be left alone again soon. If he would have looked up, he could have recognized the place they were in, but he didn’t. He simply followed Lucifer through a corridor and a few rooms, before the other opened a door and signaled him to come in. Only now Sam looked up and inspected the new room.

“We have no electricity,” Lucifer explained as Sam took a few steps into his new place and looked around. “But you should not need it. You have an oil lamp that should substitute, if you need anything else, you know what to do.”

Sam nodded, but this time didn’t thank the other. After a few moments the door opened and shut again and he was left alone in his new quarters. He kept staring at the burning lamp on the table in front of him for a long time, not knowing what else to do or how to ignore the emptiness inside of him. Everything felt so… meaningless. So dull. Not even the warmth in this room changed anything. Eventually, he simply reached for the lamp to turn it off and turned around to lay on the bed. This time he didn’t fall asleep however. He just laid there and stared at the cracked ceiling above him, reliving the last day over and over in his head. Every time he felt a bit heavier, a bit worse, but at the same time, he also got more used to the emptiness that wanted to devour him.

After many hours of torturing himself like this, when the sky had cleared up long ago already and the room filled with a soft light, the ache in Sam’s chest slowly changed. It felt as if it sunk into him completely, erasing every last bit of hope he might have clung to unconsciously and left the hunter simply feeling nothing at all anymore. He couldn’t explain it, but his need for answers was not urgent anymore. Like a distant memory, it simply existed, far away and quiet until he decided to think about it again. But Sam didn’t. He didn’t want to think about anything at all anymore. Lucifer had died and with him, something important in Sam had too, he knew it. And without it, whatever drove him before, was simply gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam feels awful and hopeless in his new situation, not even a visit from Lucifer can give him any distraction. He's not surprised when the angel tells him that he can't bring him back, it's impossible to bring himself to care for that or the other things Lucifer has to say.

The day passed without Sam doing anything. At around noon - at least Sam thought it was noon, there were no clocks in this room - another demon knocked on his door and brought him food, but this time he didn’t talk to her. He waited until she was gone, then got up and inspected the second door of the room, which led to a bathroom as he had expected. After taking care of his human needs, including eating, Sam just laid down again and stared back at the ceiling. It was the beginning of a routine he would know perfectly very soon.

Sam’s complete numbness lasted, but only during the day. Once it got dark outside - Sam didn’t bother lighting the lamp because he didn’t get up anyway - the memories of what had happened came back and he had no way to hide from them. There was very little sleep and the few hours he got each night were torturous and painful. Most of the time Sam spent pressing his face into the pillow, sobbing and begging for forgiveness from someone who was dead and gone. He couldn’t stop his heart from breaking all over again night after night, a feeling that was so agonizing and destructive that it seemed to affect his mere soul. Every breath felt wrong, every heartbeat like betrayal and there was nothing he could do to ease any of it.

Lucifer didn’t show up for almost a week, it was always demons who brought Sam food and water and even new clothes from time to time. If he would have wanted, he could have gotten up and left his room - the door was open as far as he knew - but even thinking about that made him feel awful and weak. He couldn’t tell how many demons were there, but he didn’t care for them. As much as they didn’t seem to care for him, judging by the disgusted looks they gave him. When Lucifer finally returned, Sam was once again sitting on the bed, staring into nothingness and lost in his own thoughts.

The angel took a chair from the table and put it in front of Sam’s bed to sit down, to which the hunter eventually looked up. Lucifer wore a similar black outfit as before, but this one was very torn and Sam noticed dried blood on it too. He didn’t seem to be coming from a fight though. His blue eye was not as piercing and cold as the first time Sam had met him, but he didn’t know if he could be thankful for that or not. 

“I have bad news for you, Sam,” Lucifer began, leaning forward slowly. “There is no way for me to open a portal to your dimension, I’m afraid. It seems like it must be opened by the one who brought you here.”

“Yeah,” Sam huffed apathetic. “I figured.”

“I know you don’t want to be here, but I cannot send you back.”

“I don’t wanna go back,” Sam mumbled and wrapped his arms around his knees, pulling them closer to his body. “I don’t wanna go anywhere.”

“You can stay here if you want to, with me.”

Sam slowly looked up, torn between laughing and crying out loud. He could see the angel’s face and he seemed to be honest with his offer, but how could he do that? It felt like he betrayed Lucifer every time he was in the same room with this one, how could he stay? And at the same time, he knew too well what would happen if he refused and left. Whatever he would do, it would end bad, he knew it.

“You don’t want me here,” Sam eventually said quietly. “I won’t be useful to you.”

“So?” Lucifer asked and cracked a smirk. “You are not my servant, Sam. You are not my prisoner either.”

“What am I then?”

“My guest, if you wish to be,” Lucifer said sincerely.

“I’m not good company,” Sam muttered and rested his chin on his arms, not knowing what else to say. He felt strange to be invited as a guest by the very Devil himself, especially one that didn’t even know him. Something about this had to be a trap.

“I know what happened to you was painful and I will not force you to speak or do anything if you are not ready for it. This is your room, no one will enter it if you don’t want them to. If you wish, I can bring you books to pass the time. Until you feel better.”

“Thank you, really, but I don’t know how I could feel better…” Sam sighed. “I don’t even feel like myself anymore. It’s like I died in there too…”

“You will again, someday,” Lucifer said quietly and then, out of the blue, reached out with his hand and laid it on Sam’s. The hunter’s eyes snapped open and he pushed himself away so fast he almost hit his head on the wall at the sudden touch. “I apologize,” Lucifer quickly said and pulled his hand back. “I’m not used to comforting others, I didn’t mean to upset you any further.”

“No, I… I mean you didn’t…” Sam shook his head, a weird knot in his stomach. “You didn’t upset me. I just… don’t wanna be touched. Sorry.”

“Of course,” Lucifer nodded, a hint of shame on his face. “I know it seems strange that I offer you to stay as my guest, given that I don’t know you and you could be dangerous, but I feel the need to keep you safe. I cannot explain it, but you don’t belong here, you don’t know this world and you would be in danger out there alone. I don’t want to hurt you, I’m serious.”

“I don’t think you want to hurt me,” Sam said, blushing slightly at those words. He felt a sudden warmth in his guts and he didn’t like it. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.”

“Rest, for starters. When you feel better, you can always make new plans. Nothing will harm you here, I have instructed everyone to treat you with respect.”

“Everyone?” Sam asked surprised. “How many are everyone?”

“A few,” Lucifer smiled. “We are not many, maybe a hundred loyal servants and me. But this place is as safe as possible, no one can find it and no one can harm you here. I only advise you not to try to escape on your own, you won’t make it far.”

“Yeah, I’ve been told that already,” Sam huffed. “I won’t try to escape, don’t worry.”

“Good, I would hate to see you die trying. Now, if you’ll excuse me, duties are calling.” Lucifer stood up and brought the chair back where he took it from before looking at Sam again. “If you need me, just pray to me like you did before. I will hear you, no matter where I am.”

“Okay,” Sam nodded slowly. “I will.”

“Whatever it might be worth, I am sorry for your loss, Sam,” Lucifer said, a hand already on the door handle. “No one deserves to go through this.”

“Thank you,” Sam sighed, the weird warmth in him spreading against his will. “And thank you for taking me in.”

“Of course,” Lucifer nodded and finally left the room, leaving the human alone once again.

Sam didn’t know what to think of this. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt so bad for jerking away or where this strange feeling inside of him came from, but it was scary. This was the literal Devil - and not the one he knew, the one who was once capable of feeling and even remorse. This world alone was proof for it! So what on earth was his plan?

“Maybe he doesn’t have a plan,” Sam mumbled to himself, surprised by his own thought. Could that be?  After all, this Lucifer seemed to be sorry for what happened to Sam, even if it could just be very good acting. But if it wasn’t, maybe he really just wanted to help him.

Sam sighed and looked out of the window, into the light purple sky. He had absolutely no clue what any of this meant or why he was still alive. If only he could have had more time with Lucifer and didn’t act like a stubborn child that wasted time arguing instead of listening. Now it was too late, he knew that. Lucifer was dead and even though he couldn’t be sure, he knew there was no coming back this time. Just when they started to find their mutual understanding again everything had gone downhill. 

He sat like this for a long time, leaning his head against the wall and watching the sky turn into the darkness it was at night. The cold began creeping into the room, forcing him to wrap the blanket around himself, but other than that he didn’t move at all. There were too many questions, too many answers he would never know now. He never thought things would end like this. All this time he was sure that one day they would be forced to fight each other again and it would end with both of them dead. Now some otherworldly creature had taken Lucifer’s life in complete vain and Sam was left alone, mourning the death of the one being that he was supposed to hate even though he never could.

It was shortly after the huge, bright moon came into full view of his window that Sam finally drifted away into a dreamless and deep sleep, sliding down the window and wall until he laid completely still in his bed. It was the first night without nightmares haunting him and without waking up in cold sweat with a scream stuck in his throat, but for Sam it was even worse in a way. When he woke up he felt the weight of guilt in his stomach that made him nauseous. Seeing Lucifer die and suffer, without being able to do anything, was torture but at least he saw his face. Now that he didn’t dream at all, the feeling of loss that was eating him alive was worse than ever before.

Sam covered his face with his hands when the first tears fell, unable to stop them. It wasn’t just loss and grief, those tears were much worse and bitter. Sam finally realized the true meaning of Lucifer’s death and in this moment wished for nothing more than the ground to open and devour him to end this agony. It was all lost, for now until the end of his life. He would never feel whole again, he would never be able to fill the emptiness in his soul without Lucifer. They were created to complete each other, now he was alone and shattered and there was nothing he could do to fix it. No amount of crying and begging and pleading would bring Lucifer back. When this thought overwhelmed him, all he wanted was to die.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam can't tell how long he has been in this room already, the days just seem to blur together all the time. One night, however, Sam decides to use the bit of energy he has to go and find Lucifer. He had no idea what nightmare he was stumbling into.

The days kind of blurred into each other, Sam's only indicator of time was the sky outside and even that was dubious at best. There were moments when he wanted to just find something sharp and end it, other times he wondered if there might be a reason to all of this he couldn't see yet. Three times a day he was brought food, sometimes he didn't even notice the demons doing that because he was sleeping like a corpse, but when he did there was never a nice word or even so much as a smile. Lucifer might think his servants or whatever he called them would treat Sam with respect, the hunter didn't feel like it.

A few times Lucifer himself showed up, which was something that made Sam feel very strange. At any given moment, Lucifer was very polite, even though kind of cold and Sam didn’t know why he acted the way he did. Even less he could understand the strange warmth in his stomach when Lucifer spoke - not that he didn’t know what this feeling was but he hated himself for not being able to stop it. When Lucifer left Sam again, the hunter simply stared at the door for a few minutes before laying down on his bed and sighing.

This wasn’t right, not even a bit. He wanted to hate this Lucifer, wanted to hate him for not saving his own angel and for not being able to send him back, but no matter how hard he wanted to, he simply couldn’t. It started with the way this Lucifer looked, which made even looking at him hard without his throat tightening. Then there were his manners - the way he talked, moved his hands or even tilted his head - that made it nearly impossible for Sam to not see his own Lucifer in him. He really tried to difference the two Lucifers but with every day that passed his success was slimmer and slimmer. By the time about two weeks had passed, Sam’s feelings were completely messed up. 

Sam was weakened by just laying in his bed all the time and barely eating, but that didn’t stop him from one night just getting up and leaving his room. He didn’t know why, but he needed to talk to Lucifer - ask him what all this was about, why he kept him here instead of throwing him out, even though he didn’t even know him. And if he was honest - which he wasn’t, at least not with himself - the loneliness was killing him.

He had no idea how late it was when he stepped out of his room for the first time, but it was freezing cold, so much that he actually began to shiver a little. It was pitch black, apart from the small oil lamp he had taken with him just in case and that just proved a small circle of light. For a brief moment he contemplated about just going back and waiting for the angel to come to him instead. It would take a few days at most, but what then? Would he still have the strength to ask for answers then, or would he just sit on his bed in silence again, hating himself and this mess he was in? No, he had to do this now, cold or not, night or not. If he didn’t find Lucifer he could always just go back or call for him after all.

Determined to use this bit of energy that allowed him to move right now, whether it would end up with answers or not, Sam began to walk into the darkness. He ignored the stinging cold the best he could, holding the lamp in front of him to at least see where he put his feet. It was still almost impossible to see anything clear and he more than once hit something hard with his foot or elbow. There were thrown over tables and chairs in his path, broken bottles and paper everywhere - as if a desk had exploded or something. He didn’t even want to know, not really. The second room was almost as bad, though there was no paper here, just more smashed furniture. 

Even worse than the demolished rooms, however, was the air. It was thick and humid, making it hard for Sam to breathe and whenever he did, he tasted salt on his tongue. And there were flies. Not only a few, but dozens buzzing around him and forcing him to shoo them away to not accidentally swallow one while trying to breathe. Whatever this place was, it was disgusting. 

Sam reached another door frame and leaned against it for a moment, catching his breath and calming down from the exhaustion that started to creep up. He didn’t know why this little bit of walking drained him so much, but he had to go on. He just had to.

Pushing himself off the door frame with all his strength, Sam forced himself to keep going. This room seemed to be bigger, with some doors to his right, but much less destruction somehow. By now he got used to the buzzing around him and a different sound became obvious: the howling of wind. There was no way to tell where it came from because it seemed to be everywhere, but every once in awhile the howling carried something else with it, which sent shivers down Sam’s spine. It sounded like someone groaning in pain and misery, but somehow faint, as if it was just a distant memory. 

Sam swallowed the lump that had built up in his throat down and kept going. Halfway through whatever room he was in, he suddenly heard a metallic screeching and stopped dead in his tracks. He held his breath, just listening to what would follow. The screeching didn’t come back, but there was banging now, as if… as if someone - or something - was banging on metal doors. No, that couldn’t be. Impossible. Sam summoned all his courage and began walking again, much faster this time and barely lightening his way anymore, which led to him being stopped abruptly after a few steps. He had run face forward into what felt like a wall of steel.

Screaming in pain and grabbing his face with his free hand, Sam stumbled back and let out a series of vulgar curses. When he finally stopped with the profanities, he angrily lifted the lamp again to look at the obstacle in his way. He was close with the steel wall, but it wasn’t that - he had run into a set of thick iron bars.

“This is a freaking prison!” Sam hissed, followed by an unamused laugh that was more fear than relief. The pain was almost forgotten already, even if his head was pulsating now. 

Sam stepped closer to the bars, careful this time, and grabbed one of them. They were even colder than the air around him, with shards all around and visibly rusted. Slowly, Sam walked along the wall of bars, quickly finding a difference in texture - a door. He pushed it open and stepped into the next room, which had more iron bars to his right and apparently a corridor in front of him. He took a deep breath, debating his options.

So, Lucifer had brought him to a prison, that much he knew now. He still had no idea where the hell he actually was, but it was something. He could somewhat imagine how big the place was now, but he still had no idea where to find Lucifer. For a moment, Sam wanted to just keep going straight ahead, hoping he would find him there, but somehow that seemed like a bad idea. Instead he turned right and stepped through two more iron doors that looked like they had been violently ripped out of their frames. He didn’t want to imagine who had done this, so he suppressed the question as soon as his mind came up with it.

There was one more door, but this one was not made of iron bars. If it would have been closed, Sam was sure he couldn’t have opened it, but it wasn’t. As he walked up closer, he couldn’t help but look at the sheer thickness of the metal and notice the deep scratches all over it. Another thing to give him goosebumps, great. There was still this tiny voice inside of his head that told him this was a very bad idea, but Sam ignored it the best he could. It was too late to turn back now anyways.

Because his eyes had adjusted a little better to the darkness by now, Sam was able to take in more of his surroundings. When he saw where he was and how devastated the place was, however, he wished he couldn’t see a damn thing. He had entered the cellblock, apparently, and it looked like the set from a very bad horror movie. Chains were hanging from the ceilings, cell doors were ripped out and covering the ground and not a single cell was undemolished. Toilets were smashed, beds were shred into pieces and wherever he stepped there was glass and pieces of stone under his feet. And, worse than all of this, was the groaning and screeching that was even more intense here. Every cell in Sam’s body was on high alert as he slowly made his way through the block.

After a few minutes - Sam was looking up at the chains at this point - the hunter suddenly stepped into something strange. He slowly looked down at what the light revealed and jumped back in horror when he realized that it was blood and that it was still wet. Sam spun around, almost panicking, when a laughter echoed through the whole complex, making him shiver from head to toes. He kept turning, trying to figure out where the laughter came from and if he was going to get attacked but it didn’t take long before his balance was gone and he was forced to hold onto something to not fall down, which happened to be a wall behind him.

The few seconds it took him to realize that his fingers were touching something warm and moving were enough to wish he wouldn’t have left his room in the first place. Almost in slow motion, Sam turned his head and stared at his hand with wide eyes. The thing he was touching was a human arm. Chains of spiked metal held it in place, the flesh rotting and black, with maggots crawling through thick pus and making the most disgusting noise he had ever heard. Sam jumped back within a matter of seconds, but he couldn’t force his eyes away and when he felt that his stomach was about to empty itself, he dropped the lamp in his hand and covered his mouth with both of them. Before his brain could even process the sound of the lamp shattering, Sam’s stomach cramped and he just let it happen.

It seemed like hours that Sam gagged and his stomach tightened again and again, even when all he produced was dry coughing it wouldn’t stop. And all through it, this creepy and taunting laughter echoed through the block, now even worse because Sam’s only light source was gone for good. Eventually, he managed to regain enough control over his body to stand back up. He immediately looked back at the wall, bracing himself for what he was about to lay eyes on, but the wall was empty apart from some hooks and broken concrete.

“What the hell…” Sam whispered and took a step back, immediately stumbling over a chair that had not been there just a second before and landed harsh on his back. He let out a pain filled groan, which was followed by another horrifying giggling from the distance. By now, Sam had had enough and really just wanted to get to his bed, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen anytime soon. Before he could even get up on his feet again, all chains that were hanging from the ceilings began to rattle and whisper. Sam looked up, starting to crawl backwards, but not even a second later the chains were darting down, right towards him. Sam was frozen in place, staring at the chains coming closer and there was nothing he could do - he couldn’t even scream at his inevitable death.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being saved by Lucifer the last moment, Sam breaks down from exhaustion and wakes up back in his bed with the angel sitting next to him. Lucifer makes Sam a very surprising and unusual offer that shocks the hunter even more than his nightmare from the night before.

Sam couldn’t say what happened later. One second he saw sharp metal coming towards him, only moments away from piercing through his skull - and the next he was blinded by a bright light and all the noise coming from the chains was gone, as if it had never existed. The light forced Sam to close his eyes and cover them with his arm, but it wasn’t enough to shut out all of it. His head was filled with a deafening humming only a moment after the light appeared, making it hard to form any coherent thought. Sam feared his head would explode soon and pressed his hands against it in a useless attempt to stop the humming and pain. Just when he thought he had reached his limit, that he could not take any more of it, the light vanished as sudden as it appeared, leaving nothing but a weak glow that made it through Sam’s eyelids. He slowly opened his eyes, not knowing what to expect when his eyes found a face that took more weight than he knew he had off his chest.

“Lucifer!”

In this moment Sam didn’t see the other Lucifer in front of him. All the isolation and grief and remorse got the better of him and he launched himself forward, right into the angel’s arms. There was no holding back once the first tear fell and countless more followed suit, drenching Lucifer’s shirt that Sam held onto so desperately.

“I didn’t mean to leave you, I’m sorry, Lucifer!” Sam sobbed, burying his head against the other’s chest. Hands were awkwardly placed on his back, but he didn’t feel the hesitation in the touch at all. For Sam it was a touch he feared he would never experience again and it made everything more real in his mind. “Please don’t leave again, please don’t… I need you and I’m sorry, please don’t leave me alone again…” Sam’s sobs became erratic and even more desperate, but he couldn’t stop them for even a second. Every single word was underlined with tears and agony and he held onto Lucifer as much as be possibly could, fearing that if he would let go, the other would vanish again.

Sam had lost any perception of time already, so he didn’t know if an hour had passed when his vision turned black or just a minute - eventually it did though and he sunk against Lucifer like a puppet cut loose from its strings. The angel sat on the ground for a while longer, holding the unconscious human in his arms and looking at him in utter fascination and sadness. Eventually, he held Sam tighter so he wouldn’t fall and stood up. If Sam would have seen his face, it would have broken his heart how much he looked like the Lucifer he knew in this moment.

Lucifer zapped the two of them back into Sam’s room where he gently laid the human down on his bed. He was completely exhausted, his hair wet from sweat and the tears still rolling down his cheeks. The angel took his time to clean Sam’s face as gentle as possible, no emotion on his face apart from his eye. When he was done, he carefully tucked Sam into bed and called for one of the demons he knew he could trust. She was one of the very few demons in his small army that looked almost human - apart from very small horns that were barely visible under her long hair. None of that meant she was any weaker than the other, however. If anything, she was one of his strongest and most loyal servants.

“You will not leave his side until he wakes up, Meg,” Lucifer said in a sharp, commanding voice, looking down at the young woman sternly. “You will watch him for any signs of sickness and when he wakes up, you will call me. Understood?”

“Yes, master!” Meg said immediately, nodding in agreement. She brought one of the chairs over to the bed and sat down, black eyes never leaving the angel’s.

“He must not leave this room under any circumstances, it’s too dangerous.”

“He will stay here, master. I will make sure of it.”

“Good. I trust you, Meg. Don’t disappoint me.” With a quick nod, Lucifer disappeared.

Meg spent the next hours replacing the wet cloth on Sam’s forehead with a new, colder one and otherwise watching the human in his sleep. She could have spied into his dreams of course, it was an easy thing to do, but she knew Lucifer would not approve and his approval was sacred for the demon. So, instead of breaking into the human’s privacy, Meg zapped a few books into the room to pass the time.

Unsurprisingly, Sam’s unconsciousness was more than just passing out from exhaustion. Over the last weeks he had barely eaten enough to nurture his body and was too weak to stay on his feet for more than a few minutes. The things he had experienced had caused his already weakened mind to begin hallucinating and the blackout that followed lasted for several hours, until way into the middle day. There were no nightmares or memories flooding Sam’s mind, however, and if he would have noticed it, he would have been very glad about that. 

When Sam’s eyelids started to flutter randomly and he began moving more in his sleep, Meg called for Lucifer. She didn’t want to alarm him too early, in case Sam was just having nightmares, but Lucifer thanked her and told her to prepare food and fresh, warm clothes for Sam while he took over her spot next to the bed. He continued to clean the human’s forehead from sweat, but otherwise stayed quiet and waited for the other to wake up on his own. He didn’t forget the way Sam had acted towards him when he found him and it concerned him more than he wanted to admit. Healing wounds was easy, but healing his mind if things got worse might be more than he could handle.

It took another hour until Sam’s eyes finally fluttered open, just to immediately close again, followed by a weak sigh. Lucifer took away the cloth on Sam’s forehead and pulled his chair closer to the bed. After a few minutes Sam opened his eyes again and this time they stayed open.

“What… what happened?” Sam asked weakly, his voice hoarse and raspy.

“You passed out,” Lucifer answered as calm as possible, handing Sam a bottle with water to wet his throat. The hunter struggled to sit up, so he helped him with that before holding the bottle to his lips so he could get a few sips. “What were you doing last night?”

“I… wanted to talk… to you…” Sam held his head and pressed his eyes shut for a moment as a wave of pain darted through it. to which Lucifer immediately laid a hand on Sam’s and the pain vanished within seconds. “Thank you…”

“You can just call for me, you know that. I will hear you,” Lucifer sighed. “This place is dangerous to wander alone.”

“I noticed that, yeah…” Sam huffed.

“I’m not blaming you, so let’s forget it. You are alive, that's important. So, why did you want to talk to me?”

Sam tried to smile, but it was a weak attempt at best. It was weird hearing Lucifer say he didn’t blame him, even though he blamed himself for so many things. He felt awful and exhausted, but apart from that he seemed to be well - physically at least. He let himself back down on his pillow, sighing deeply before answering.

“I don’t know why I’m here, why you keep me alive and all,” Sam said quietly, not looking at Lucifer. “It makes no sense. you should have just left me in this stupid cabin…”

“You are right, Sam, it makes no sense,” Lucifer said, smirking slightly. “It didn’t feel right leaving you there to die, but I can’t give you answers because I don’t have them either.”

“Do you have no reason?” Sam asked, almost desperate and turned his head toward Lucifer. “There has to be something, anything… any reason why you shouldn’t just reach out and snap my neck now because I can’t see any and I can’t live like this anymore… I just can’t…”

“Sam,” Lucifer said as reassuring and warm as never before, gently laying a hand on Sam’s cheek. He expected the brunet to jerk away again, but this time all he did was give him a devastated and sad look. “I told you I want to keep you safe and that’s true. I don’t know why, this isn’t something I usually do and it’s confusing. I know you’re hurt and I know you feel unwell right now, but if there is anything I can do to help you, please tell me.”

For a moment Sam looked as if he wanted to say something, but he decided against it and slowly pulled Lucifer’s hand off his face, without letting go of it. He turned, facing the window, and sighed audibly.

“Would you prefer company maybe?” Lucifer suggested, looking at Sam’s hand holding onto his own. He couldn’t take his eyes off it somehow. “Solitude is a faithful friend, it can be hard to not get mad in its presence.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you?” Sam huffed without much pressure in his voice.

“I do, yes, and I would prefer sparing you from this experience. I know it’s a strange request but if you wish to have company you can have it. Just say a word.”

“And who would keep me company?” Sam asked, a little sarcastic, and looked back at Lucifer with a glare. “One of your respectful demons that treat me like I’m a rabid raccoon? Thank you, but I’d rather stay by myself then.”

“I expected you to say something like that, which is why I wanted to suggest you can stay with me instead.”

“What?” Sam gasped and ripped his eyes open. Only now he realized he was still holding Lucifer’s hand and he let go of it as if it had burned him, pushing himself back into a sitting position and as far away from the other as possible. He still stared at Lucifer with wide eyes when the angel chuckled and retreated his hand from the bed.

“I assume you won’t be disappointed if I say that this isn’t what I meant,” Lucifer said and shook his head, still smiling. “It’s not at all what I meant by that.”

“Then what did you mean?” Sam asked, raising a brow.

“My quarters are bigger than this room, there are things you might find entertaining and you wouldn’t be all by yourself - if you wish for company at least. I won’t be there all the time of course, but it might help you recover.”

“So, no ulterior motives?” Sam was very suspicious by this offer. “You won’t ask me to ‘pay’ for staying there with you or use me as your personal punching bag or playtoy?”

“I don’t know why I should do any of that,” Lucifer said sincerely and gave the human a stern look. “It’s an offer, nothing more. I won’t jump your bones when you don’t expect it or cut your throat while you’re asleep or anything like that. I just wish to help you and know you are safe, Sam. Whether you believe me or not is up to you.”

The two looked at each other for what felt like an eternity for Sam, but no matter how much he searched for the lie in the angel’s eye, he couldn’t find even a hint of it. All he saw was genuine concern that made his chest feel tight and warm.

“I believe you, or at least I want to believe you,” Sam eventually said, smiling weakly.

Maybe he just made a huge mistake, but the loneliness was killing him slowly, he knew it - and honestly, wasn’t Lucifer’s company what made him get out of his room in the first place last night? He knew that the strange feeling whenever this Lucifer was around was part guilt and part remorse, but there was something else that he didn’t dare admit to himself until now. For some reason, Sam started to actually like the angel, even if he didn’t know why.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the new environment, which is surprisingly luxurious, Sam's guilt won't leave him alone. He can't stop blaming himself for what happened and it doesn't help that he now lives even closer together with the one who constantly reminds him of it.

Sam didn’t expect much when Lucifer laid a hand on his arm and zapped them to the place he stayed, but what he saw merely seconds after both shocked and impressed him. The room was huge - not only big, but literally huge - and Sam spent a good minute just staring around and taking in the size alone. The ceiling was at least ten foot high and the windows flooded the room with light, making it appear even bigger. There were heavy black curtains and chandeliers - two of them - as well as a king size bed, comfy chairs and sofas. In the corner behind Lucifer stood a big wooden desk, covered with books and papers, and behind Sam was a table with what looked like an old gramophone.

One of the walls, Sam quickly realized as he turned around, was covered entirely with books and to round up the scene with a very stereotypical picture, not far away was a fireplace with a bear skin in front of it and two big chairs. Sam’s lip jerked when he saw this, the surreality of the situation getting to him without his consent. There was a fire burning and the room was well temperate, despite its size. Overall it looked more like a luxurious mansion than the ‘chamber’ the Devil lived in.

“You live like this and keep me in this ugly small room?” Sam asked eventually, not trying to hide his annoyance. Lucifer smirked knowingly.

“No, usually I don’t live here but in the room next to this. This one is yours and yours alone, if you want it to be. This is, or rather was, the conference room, which is why my desk is still here. It’s where I work.”

“And what work do you have to do?” Sam was curious, he couldn’t think of anything.

“Don’t concern yourself with my work,” Lucifer answered calmly. “It’s just the things that come with being me, nothing that should worry you.”

“Devil duties, got it,” Sam huffed, not even surprised that Lucifer didn’t tell him. “And you want me to stay here, really? Wouldn’t I disturb your business?”

“No need to worry about that, this place is yours to stay in for as long as you wish. As I said, I don’t expect anything in return and I will be in my own room should you ask me to leave. There are a few hundred books for you to choose from and if you want to listen to music, the gramophone behind you is yours as well. And of course you can sleep whenever you want to or eat, all I ask of you is to rest and recover.”

“I don’t understand why you do this for me, but thank you,” Sam said honestly, even though a bit quiet. He was flustered by Lucifer’s generosity, something he didn’t expect from him. “You don’t have a kitchen and a pantry too by any chance?”

“There is a kitchen actually, yes,” Lucifer nodded and signed Sam to follow him. “This was the warden’s house once, so it’s a fully functional apartment for all needs. There is only one problem.”

“And what problem is that?”

Lucifer opened a door they just reached, signaling Sam to step inside. After he followed, he walked over to the opposite side of the room to pull the curtains away, revealing a very dusty and very old looking kitchen with interior Sam had not seen before.

“No one has used this kitchen in about eighty years.”

“Damn,” Sam hissed and looked around. Everything still looked intact, that much he could see right away, but how on earth he was supposed to use this 19th century kitchen he would have to figure out. “That’s a challenge for sure.”

Lucifer gave him an amused smile and nodded.

“You can try to make it work, of course, but I can’t promise everything is still functional. The stove seems to be powered by wood, so if you want to, I would gladly bring you some to try.”

“Later maybe,” Sam laughed nervously and shook his head. “I don’t think I have the patience for this right now.”

“As you wish,” Lucifer nodded and guided Sam back outside. “Of course there is a bathroom too, which is fully functional,” he said and pointed towards a different door a bit to the left. “There is a big tub, but it only supplies cold water.”

“But you could heat the water, or not?” Sam asked curious and raised a brow.

“Of course,” Lucifer smirked. “I might burn cold, but I’m an angel, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Just call me if you wish to take a bath, I will prepare everything for you.”

“Thanks, I think I could need one in the near future.” Sam wrinkled his nose with a grin. “It’s been a while.”

“Whenever you wish, just say a word.”

The prospect of a hot bath was very alluring, but right now Sam didn’t have the energy to take one. He still couldn’t process that he could actually stay here now and that Lucifer was honest when he said he didn’t want anything in return. It was too good to be true after this whole nightmare, so of course he was suspicious.

“I’m actually a pretty hungry right now,” Sam eventually admitted awkwardly and smirked. “As you said, I didn’t really eat much recently…”

“I will have food prepared for you, maybe you can look around in the meantime and make yourself at home.” Lucifer turned toward another door, one that obviously led out of the room, but before leaving he turned around again and gave Sam a stern look. “There is only one thing I ask you to stay away from and that is my desk. It looks like chaos, but I know where to find everything and it would be nice to keep it that way.”

“O-of course, yeah,” Sam muttered, a bit confused. “I won’t touch anything on your desk, I promise.”

“Thank you,” Lucifer nodded relieved. “I will be back soon.”

Sam was about to thank the angel again, but he was already out of the door when he managed to open his mouth. A bit baffled, Sam huffed and walked around the room to look at everything more closely while he was alone.

Overall, he felt that this could be a very nice place to live - it looked comfy and was warm, there were things to do and nothing looked dangerous - but he didn’t know if he would be able to do that with Lucifer as company. It wasn’t that he hated him, he actually started to think Lucifer was rather polite and nice and he kind of enjoyed having him around, it was more of a general uneasy feeling inside of him. Lucifer seemed to be genuine in his actions and Sam believed that he actually cared, so why did he feel like this?

_ Because he’s the wrong Lucifer, that’s why. He’s honest, but you wish he would be the Lucifer you know. _

This thought surprised Sam, but it hit a nerve and he knew it. The behavior the angel showed reminded him of how things could have been if he had trusted his Lucifer when he had had the chance. It wasn’t fair that his Lucifer had to die when they were finally about to solve their problems, most of which had been caused by Sam denying his own feelings. Now there was a different Lucifer - one who looked very similar to the one he knew but who had lived a whole different life and who had never met him before - and he acted so different towards Sam that it hurt. If he would have been cruel or aggressive things might be different, but he wasn’t and Sam had to realize that the reason they had never managed to get past their difficulties in the past wasn’t Lucifer, it was him. It was a depressing realization that forced Sam to sit down on the bed for stability.

More than ever before Sam wished that he could talk to his Lucifer one last time. Even if he couldn’t bring him back, there were so many things left unsaid and it felt awful being denied the chance to speak them out. And most of all, Sam wanted to apologize. Of course Lucifer had done terrible things and a lot of these things had caused harm and suffering, but that he had never once found the understanding that he deserved shattered Sam. He knew how horrible it felt to be shunned and demonized by someone you trust and love, that Lucifer had to go through this again and again for most of his life wasn’t something he felt right about. Sam had had the chance to change this situation and he had been too stubborn to realize it. He couldn’t blame anyone else but himself for this, that was clear.

“I was such an awful piece of shit, Lucifer,” Sam groaned and covered his face with his hands. He knew the other couldn’t hear him and that he never would again, but right now he was unable to keep the words in. “I knew you weren’t lying, I knew you never wanted to fight and I still acted as if you were the personification of evil. I don’t have any excuse, there couldn’t possibly be one, but I was so damn scared, you have no idea.”

Saying it out loud was torture and relief at the same time. Yes, Sam had been scared. Scared out of his mind, in fact. He had been scared of his understanding towards Lucifer and that he could relate to the horrible things he had gone through. Hearing the things Lucifer said, how his father turned on him and how his brother cast him out, calling him a monster and a freak and worse, had just been too close to the things Sam had experienced to ignore it and with his understanding came fear - fear that all these things were true, that he was really a monster. That he was Lucifer’s true vessel only worsened everything, even though it should have done something else. In the end, Sam had decided to fight Lucifer instead of understanding him and that was the true reason why everything had gone so wrong.

“I’m so sorry, Lucifer, you have no idea,” Sam sniffed and cranked his fingers to his nails dug into his skin. “I would do anything to go back and do the right thing, I would die if I had to, but I just can’t. It’s my fault all of this happened, just because I was too scared to accept the truth and help you. I didn’t know what disgusting and horrible thing I did… I really didn’t know…”

A knock on the door almost startled Sam to the point of panicking, but he managed to pull himself together just in time. He looked up, rubbing his eyes and quietly saying: “Come in.”

“I have your food.” It was Lucifer of course and Sam tried his very best to hide the fact that he had just been crying and talking to his dead alter ego, but it was useless. As soon as Lucifer raised his gaze and his eyes fell on the hunter it was clear that he knew. “Sam, is everything alright? Did something happen?”

“No,” Sam said, still nasally, and shook his head. “It’s nothing, I just… had a moment, I guess. I’m fine, really.”

Lucifer narrowed his eyes, but didn’t say anything while walking over to the bed and placing the food on the nightstand next to Sam. Only after he was done he looked at the other and Sam could see the worry in his eyes.

“Mourning is nothing to be ashamed of and neither are grief or regret,” the angel said, completely catching Sam off guard. He had not expected this. “Sadness shows that you care and that’s important.”

“I know, but…” Sam began, but couldn’t finish the sentence.

“No ‘but’, Sam.” Lucifer shook his head. “I know you’re in pain, I can feel it. Not physically, but in your heart, in your soul. You have lost someone important and there is no shame in feeling like you do when this happens. It takes time for these wounds to heal and sometimes they refuse to heal forever, so take this time and don’t be ashamed of it.”

“I… I’m not ashamed,” Sam disagreed weakly. “I don’t think I am at least… I just don’t know what to feel right now, that’s all.”

“It troubles you that we look so much alike, doesn’t it?” Lucifer asked and sat down on the bed too, a bit away from Sam.

“It’s not helping at least…”

“I’m sorry that I cause you so much additional pain, that’s not intentional, I hope you know that.”

“Of course I do, it’s not like it’s your fault that you look alike,” Sam said and gave Lucifer a faint smile. “It’s just… hard looking at you and hearing your voice and knowing you are you and not… him. It doesn’t feel right somehow...”

“I wish I could have saved your friend or bring him back, I mean it. If it was in my power to do so, I would.”

“I know, thanks,” Sam sighed. “I know he won’t come back, not this time, no… I just wish I could have said certain things, that I could apologize for what I did to him.”

“I’m sure he knew, Sam,” Lucifer said and laid a hand on the hunter’s shoulder carefully. “You were with him when he died, I’m sure he was very thankful for that.”

Sam looked up, trying to say something, but the words just wouldn’t come. He just stared at Lucifer with wet eyes, fighting to control his emotions and knowing he would fail miserably. When he did, he simply fell forward into Lucifer’s arms and let it all out. The angel held him tight, an embrace that was painful and consoling at once, but that Sam was glad about nonetheless.

No, he wasn’t his Lucifer, but he was still  _ Lucifer _ . It was a small solace, but it was one and Sam knew that he was lucky to be here now, instead of being torn apart in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. He was with Lucifer in a way and maybe it would all turn out good in the end. He had no idea how that was supposed to happen, but he hoped against all odds that it was the right decision to stay with this Lucifer.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After sleeping for almost a whole day, which was definitely needed, Lucifer has a surprise for Sam. He shows the hunter where they actually are and for the first time, Sam's mood is actually lifted a little.

Breaking down in front of Lucifer, again, was nothing Sam was particularly proud of, but the angel reacted way more understanding than he would have expected him to. After he finally managed to dry his eyes and stopped acting like an infant, Lucifer urged Sam to eat the food he had brought. It was delicious, there was no doubt about that and for the first time in weeks, Sam actually ate everything that was on his plate. After his hunger was taken care of and he had embarrassed himself once more, Sam began feeling tired. It was awkward asking Lucifer to stay while he slept, but the other agreed without hesitation and promised him to be quiet.

Sam slept better than he did ever since he had come here with Lucifer, whether it was because of his sumptuous meal or the other’s company Sam didn’t know, but it didn’t matter either. He slept like a stone without being disturbed by nightmares and that was enough for him to be glad about. While he did, Lucifer worked on his desk or read for the most part and overall stayed as quiet as possible so Sam could have the rest he needed. Sometimes he checked up on the hunter to see if he was still sleeping peacefully, before going back to his work.

When Sam woke up he felt as refreshed as possible and his mood was very much improved when he noticed the breakfast waiting for him on the nightstand. Lucifer was there too, sitting in one of the chairs close to the fire and reading a book.

“How long did I sleep?” Sam asked, followed by a long yawn and him stretching his limbs.

“Long enough,” Lucifer answered and closed his book before coming over to him. “It’s morning, but you needed your rest. How do you feel?”

“Much better, thank you,” Sam admitted with a smile, this time not as weak as the night before. “This bed is amazing, I can’t remember sleeping so good before.”

“I’m glad you slept well, there is breakfast and coffee for you and when you are done I would like to show you where we actually are. I assume you are curious about that.”

“Well,” Sam smirked and took the coffee to his nose, breathing in the heavenly scent. “I found out we are in a prison already, but that’s about all I know. I am curious indeed.”

“Good,” Lucifer nodded. “I have to take care of something really quick, you can call me when you are done eating and I will come back.”

“Okay, yeah, sounds good.”

Sam watched Lucifer disappear, torn between amused and confused. He wondered why the angel suddenly wanted to show him where he are, Sam was convinced he could have just looked out of one of the windows to find out for himself. For some reason, this idea wasn’t very appealing for Sam, however, and he decided that he would let Lucifer show him instead and focus on his breakfast now.

The food was surprisingly good, which made Sam wonder who was responsible for the cooking. On the plate were scrambled eggs, french toast and even bacon - not Sam’s usual breakfast back home, but he never ate more eagerly and with more appetite. Whoever made this, they knew what they were doing and Sam found his meal simply delicious. The coffee tasted very good too, turning his first morning with Lucifer into a rather memorable thing.

After he was done, Sam just laid back for a few minutes, letting his body process the food and allowing himself to settle down. He had not lied to the angel, the bed was amazingly comfortable and inviting, he would have stayed in it for much longer if he hadn’t agreed to Lucifer’s plans. Eventually, Sam got up and made his way to the bathroom to make himself look a little presentable and see if the toilet was actually working. It took him about fifteen minutes before he deemed his appearance acceptable, making himself wonder why he put so much effort into this task. He doubted Lucifer would care for the way he looked, but he felt much better like this, so he shrugged it off and got dressed again to call for the other.

“Lucifer? I’m ready.”

It didn’t even take a minute before Sam heard a familiar sound and Lucifer appeared in front of him. Sam gave him an awkward smile when the angel mustered him. Now he felt stupid for spending so much time cleaning himself up and making his messy hair look presentable. Lucifer didn’t give him a rude or sarcastic comment though, as he had half expected. Instead, the blond smiled back contently.

“I hope your breakfast was to your liking. Do you want to go outside now?”

“It was, thank you. I’m ready when you are.”

Lucifer nodded and opened the door he had disappeared through the night before, but this time Sam followed him. It led to a staircase they walked down two stories. Sam had assumed everything outside of this one room was just as decayed as the parts of the prison he had seen, but they were surprisingly tidy and clean looking. But something was very similar to the rooms he had crossed before breaking down - the air was thick and smelled of salt, only this time it tasted much less stale in his mouth.

When Lucifer opened another door, this time to the outside, Sam’s curiosity was almost overwhelming. He thought he would see the prison or some other house, but when he stepped outside he was met with an eerily beautiful image of blue water and purple sky. Sam was fascinated by this view and simply stood there for a few minutes with his mouth slightly open in fascination and looked at it. In this wasteland of a world, he did not expect to ever see something so stunningly beautiful.

“I see you like the change of view,” Lucifer commented, his voice sounding very far away. Sam swallowed and nodded slowly. “The island might be as dead as everything else, but this view is worth coming here in my eyes.”

“It’s… incredible,” he whispered. “I’ve never seen something like this before.”

“This world might be fighting to survive, but there are some good things left in it.”

“Where… are we?” Sam finally managed to turn around to look at Lucifer, only to notice a slight change of his expression. He almost looked… nostalgic?

“Maybe this place is familiar to you, we are on the island of Alcatraz. It has been a long time since it was actually used as a prison though, we have occupied it about a year ago to use as an escape point.”

“Alcatraz… wow…” Sam didn’t even think about being here, but now that he thought of it, this location made a lot of sense. “And you protect the whole island by yourself?”

“Not by myself, but we do, yes,” Lucifer nodded, a proud gleam in his eyes. “The island is warded completely, it cannot be found by angels or hunters or anything else. I am the only one who is able to enter this place, apart from demons who wear a certain symbol.”

“Taking no risks I see.” Sam was impressed, he had to admit it. It was a very clever way of protecting his people and himself. “I’ve been here when I was a kid once, dad let Dean take me here while he was working. But this house,” he pointed at the warden’s house they just came from, “was completely burned down. There were only ruins left of it. The tour guide also said that this island is haunted and we heard some very terrifying things while we were here.”

“Haunted, really?” Lucifer smirked and crossed his arms. “Well, we had a few ghosts, but I got rid of them very quick. They were very annoying. This house was slightly damaged too, but it was rather easy to repair. Originally we didn’t intend to take the whole island, but as our small group grew bigger we expanded our territory.”

“Grow bigger? Do you mean you keep turning humans into demons?” Sam asked suspiciously and took a step back.

“No, not what you think,” Lucifer appeased him. “There are still demons out there that we pick up; they come to us because they seek shelter. Some are driven out of their hideouts, some come because they want to fight. I am selective, everyone could be a spy after all, but I still take new ones in occasionally.”

“But… why do you keep fighting? This world is destroyed already, isn’t it? What else do you want, end the rest of the humanity too?”

“It doesn’t matter for now why we fight, but this place is as safe as possible, that’s what you need to know. The prison is dangerous in itself, but the island is not. If you ever wish to get some fresh air, feel free to come out here.”

Sam didn’t like the way Lucifer evaded his question, but he refrained from asking more about this topic. After all, he was talking to the Devil, he shouldn’t expect anything. For a moment he was blinded by the other’s behavior, but he realized that he had to stay wary to not be manipulated even further. No matter how much Lucifer seemed to care, Sam couldn’t forget who he had in front of him and what he had done.

“I will never understand why you wanted the apocalypse in the first place,” Sam sighed and turned around, crossing his arms as a gust of ice cold wind hit him. “There are bad people, yes, but there are good ones to make up for them. Maybe we are monsters on the inside, but we try our damn hardest to contain this side and to do the right thing…”

“I don’t expect you to understand, Sam,” Lucifer answered in a sad voice, but Sam didn’t turn around. “Some things just have to happen, whether we want them to or not. We all choose our path and sometimes it changes, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes we lose something that we thought we could never live without and it changes the way we see the world, for the better or the worse.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam asked, looking over his shoulder.

“It means that not everything is always the way it seems at first. At times we expect the worst and are shocked when it turns out to be different. We should go back inside, there is a storm coming and you don’t want to be outside when it hits the island. Storms out here can be… devastating.”

Sam furrowed his brows, dying to say more, but in the end he followed the angel back into the building without further questions. He knew how regular storms were in this world already, he had no desire to find out how bad they could get here. 

Still, Lucifer’s words didn’t leave his head so easily and Sam thought about what he had said for a long time after that. He had to think back to the building they were in, which had completely burned down in the world he came from, but was only slightly damaged in this one. There was something he didn’t figure out yet, something important and he knew he wouldn’t be able to let this topic go until he knew the truth. Something still didn’t match up and Sam was determined to find out what it was.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tries to cope with the fact that he was basically living door to door with Lucifer now and spent more time with him and actually starts liking the situation. When he's telling the angel that he decided to actually stay with him and not leave anymore, the two are suddenly interrupted and everything they were talking about is forgotten.

Living this close to Lucifer was… interesting, in lack of a better word. Sam quickly got used to his presence, which always erated a strange kind of calmness and peace and only very rarely anything that was upsetting for Sam. That did not mean, however, that Sam was living in a happy bubble and everything was perfectly fine, sadly. If anything, this made Sam feel on edge at a lot of times and nervous at others. It just made little sense that Lucifer acted the way he did, Sam couldn’t shake that off.

As he had promised, Lucifer left whenever Sam asked him to and he was free to leave the building himself at any given moment - though he suspected that he was being watched as soon as he set a foot outside - and overall he shouldn’t have felt like a prisoner the way he did, not at all. Lucifer had promised him safety and he had it, without exceptions. He had food, more books than he could possibly read and the gramophone came with a wide collection of music to choose from too, so even when he was alone he wasn’t in complete silence anymore. One day Lucifer even brought a chess board when he came back from one of his trips, as he called it, and Sam was surprised how much he enjoyed actually playing with him.

So, why did he feel like something was about to happen at any given moment? Why did he feel like he would wake up one day in an even worse nightmare than before, with everything that happened now just being a cruel joke on his behalf? Sam felt incredibly ungrateful whenever these thoughts and fears became too strong to ignore them. After all, Lucifer was really going out of his way to make him feel comfortable. It took a huge amount of ingratitude to feel the way he did.

Of course it wasn’t all bad. There were moments when Sam felt peaceful and calm - not many, but they were there. When they talked, for example. Sam enjoyed listening to Lucifer talk, the melody of his voice was very soothing and nice. It appeared to be similar the other way around too, as he was often the one speaking and Lucifer always listened carefully to what he was saying. They didn’t talk about the things Lucifer did, somehow the angel always managed to switch the topic if they came too close to that, but about a lot of other things. The differences between their timelines, about Sam’s job as a hunter and about anything else that didn’t concern their current situation basically. 

At first Sam was a bit annoyed that they often talked about his own life and never about Lucifer’s. It was a bit imbalanced in his eyes. Soon, he noticed that this topic made Lucifer nervous and kind of jumpy though and it tended to end their conversations altogether if Sam was too persistent, so eventually, he just let go of it. If Lucifer wanted to talk about it, Sam was sure that he would. For him their conversations mattered more than a few unanswered questions, however, so he learned to not push the topic into certain directions. It wasn’t worth it to sacrifice their time.

Also, the longer Sam stayed, the more relaxed Lucifer became towards him and vice versa. They even joked after a few weeks, which revealed a side of this Lucifer that Sam didn’t know about before. He had an interesting sense of humor, which was extremely dark and extremely accurate at the same time. Sam caught himself laughing tears more than once and it generated a very comforting environment.

Sam got so used to Lucifer’s presence, in fact, that he felt lonely whenever the angel was gone for some time. His trips usually lasted for only a few hours, at most a day or two, but it was still very clear that Sam didn’t like being away from Lucifer. He did try to blame it on the fact that Lucifer was his only accompany and that it was natural to feel attached to him because of this, but that didn’t help much. He even tried to tell himself that he was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, but that couldn’t have been further away from the truth.

He actually liked Lucifer, which was very hard to process for him. Originally, Sam didn’t intend to like the angel, never even thought it was possible, but there was no other explanation. Lucifer made him smile and even laugh and he made him feel so much better about the situation he was in, despite the fact that it was a hopeless one. 

Seeing the angel almost every day and spending time in his presence had changed Sam’s perspective on things. He still mourned the death of his Lucifer, but he had come to the state of acceptance by now. Not only about him being gone, but also about staying in this world now. Maybe Dean would find a way to open the portal again, after all Jack had done it before, he could do it again, but what if he went back home? Sam was tired of fighting and losing people he loved. He didn’t want to go through this again and again, without being able to escape. It wasn’t the ultimate solution, but staying here with this version of Lucifer could finally be his way out.

When Sam eventually made the definite decision to stay, he felt kind of relieved. Of course he missed his brother, but he came to the conclusion that Dean was better off without him. He wasn’t alone, he had their mom and Castiel and Jack - he would manage. At least it would spare them both the pain of seeing the other die again, Sam didn’t think he would be able to take this just one more time. It was enough.

That evening, while he waited for Lucifer to return from his meeting with a few of his demons, Sam decided to talk to him about this. The angel had offered him to stay for as long as he wanted, he had been friendly and supportive. Maybe this was a sign for Sam that he made the right decision. He wanted to talk this out at least, to see if it was.

Lucifer returned very late, but Sam was still awake, reading and waiting. The angel looked worried, so Sam wasn’t sure if it was the right moment to bring this topic up, but when he sat down across from him, Lucifer smiled and his worries were a bit less.

“Everything going okay?” Sam asked curious and Lucifer nodded slowly.

“As much as possible I would say. Things don’t look bright, but you shouldn’t worry about this. You’re safe here, that’s all that matters.”

“About this… I think we need to talk.”

Lucifer tilted his head, his eyes showing concern suddenly.

“Did something happen?” he asked.

“Yes… and no,” Sam sighed. “I know you told me you would search for a different way to send me back, but I don’t want that. I don’t wanna go back home anymore.”

“You don’t?” Lucifer seemed surprised. “But I thought you wanted to see your family again?”

“I don’t think going back is a good idea, even if I miss them. I just… I can’t do this anymore.”

“You mean being a hunter?”

“Yeah.” Sam shook his head slowly. “I never wanted to be one and then I couldn’t let my brother down once I was. I’m tired of seeing innocent people die, of seeing my friends and family die, of seeing everyone I love die… I know this isn’t my world, I know I don’t really belong here, but I would like to stay. If that’s okay with you of course.”

“Sam, I told you that you could stay for as long as you want to. I meant what I said.” The smile returned to Lucifer’s lips, this time a little bigger. “I enjoy your company and even if this isn’t the perfect place to be, you are welcome to stay.”

“Maybe it’s not, but it’s better than the alternative.”

“Then my home is yours, if you want it to be,” Lucifer said and took one of Sam’s hands gently. “I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, I promise you that.”

“Thank you,” Sam smiled weakly and covered Lucifer’s hand with his own. He didn’t think it would feel so nice and comforting being touched like that, but it was. “I hate being a bother and cause you trouble, especially after you’ve been so nice, so I’ll try not to demand much of your attention.”

“You can have all my attention whenever I can give it to you,” Lucifer laughed quietly. “It’s much more like a home since you are here than it was ever before, I can assure you that.”

“I’m flattered, but -”

Sam couldn’t continue his sentence, as in this moment the door to the staircase flew open and someone burst into the room. Lucifer immediately jumped up, letting go of Sam’s hand and spinning around.

“I ordered to not be disturbed!” Lucifer barked, but as soon as he laid eyes on the woman stumbling into his direction his anger was melting away and he shut his mouth.

“I… I apologize, master Lucifer,” the woman pressed out, obviously fighting for every word. She was bleeding from her arm, as well as her head and one of her legs seemed to be injured too. The way she limped towards Lucifer showed that she could barely hold herself up.  “We need your help, please. They… they attacked Detroit… we can’t fight them off alone... ”

“Dammit,” Lucifer hissed and managed to catch the woman just before she fell to the floor. “Sam, come, help me with her, please!”

Sam scurried towards the two and helped Lucifer carry the woman over to his bed. As soon as she laid there, Lucifer put two fingers to her forehead, closing his eyes. Sam held his breath as he watched the open wounds on her head and arm close and when he pulled his hand back, Lucifer let out a sigh and turned to Sam.

“I have to go, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice more serious than Sam had heard it before. “This is very important and I have to help them. Would you look after her for me please? Her injuries are healed, but she shouldn’t be alone now..”

“Of course, yeah,” Sam said quickly and looked up at him. “But… stay safe, please. Come back, okay?”

“I promise,” Lucifer nodded and vanished on the spot.

Sam stood there for a moment, baffled and shocked by the blood on his hands and the sudden expression he had never before seen on Lucifer’s face. He had seen it before on so many others and he didn’t like it, but seeing it on him was frightening. Lucifer was scared. Whatever happened was big, very big, and for the first time since he was here with him, Sam felt the icy hand of fear clutch his heart and twist his guts again. If Lucifer was scared, things had to be very,  _ very  _ serious.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While waiting for Lucifer to return, Sam has a chat with the demon that interrupted them and finds out who she actually is. He's shocked by the discovery, but he can't help but like her somehow.

Sam waited and waited, but Lucifer didn’t return. Hours passed and Sam didn't know what to do with himself. He was worried sick, constantly torn between wanting to scream and cry. What if something happened to Lucifer? What if he couldn’t fight off whatever had attacked his people? Or what if he was captured and tortured and Sam had no way of finding and saving him? He didn’t know this world, didn’t know the rules or where the other side was hiding and what they were planning… he was basically a helpless child at the moment.

The demon on the bed - a short, young woman with wavy black hair and almost invisible horns - was still unconscious and covered with blood and dirt, so eventually, just to pass some time, Sam went to the bathroom and got a bowl of water and a few cloths and towels. He had no idea if she would wake up and kill him because he dared to touch her or not, after all Lucifer’s demons were not very keen about his presence, but he couldn't worry about that too now.

As careful as possible, Sam cleaned the blood off her face, then her arms. He was sure that there was more blood underneath her clothes, but he wouldn’t undress her for sure, that would only make her angry. Instead, he got one of his hair brushes and got rid of the dried blood in her hair before washing the rest away with clear water. When he was done almost an hour had passed and he managed to get rid of almost all the blood and dirt. Sam doubted that it changed anything, but it didn’t hurt at least.

After putting everything away, including the bloody towels and cloths, Sam continued his pacing through the room that he interrupted before. He took books out of their shelves and put them back without looking into them, stood by the window and searched for any sign of a fight or Lucifer, even tidied up what didn’t need to be tidied up at all. He was restless, worried and nauseous, and there was just nothing he could do about it. It was making him mad. His head ran wild with horrible scenarios of what might be happening right now and he wished for nothing more than to be able to shut all his thoughts off for even a minute. 

While he stared out of the window once more, Sam suddenly heard a groan behind him and spun around. It was the demon, she had woken up and was pressing a hand against her head now while sitting up. Immediately, the hunter rushed towards the bed and knelt down.

“Hey, you woke up! Thank god.”

“Yeah, as if He had anything to do with that,” the demon scoffed and began checking herself for injuries. Sam ignored her sarcasm.

“Lucifer healed you, but he’s still gone,” he said quickly. “I cleaned all the blood I could see away while you were out, I hope that’s okay.”

“Sure, whatever,” she said and gave him an estimating glare.

Sam realized that she would not share his worries or even care for them. For a moment he forgot that Lucifer’s demons didn’t like him, he was too worried for that. But her reaction made it clear that she couldn’t have cared less about him or anything he did.

“Sorry, I’ll leave you alone,” Sam sighed and pushed himself back up. “Lucifer said he’ll be back soon, he didn’t want you to be alone for now.”

“Typical,” the demon huffed and rolled her eyes. “Still thinks I’m incapable of handling things myself.”

“Well, you were pretty battered when you came here, so…”

“You would be too if dozens of angels attacked you out of the blue,” she hissed and glared at him again. “I still don’t know what the hell happened, they shouldn’t have been able to even be there…”

“Angels attacked you?” Sam asked surprised.

“What did you expect, demons? Of course they were angels. Little winged bastards and their pets.”

“I thought…” Sam stopped, biting his tongue. What did he think anyways? His first instinct would have been demons, but she was right. After all, the demons were attacked, so that was stupid.

“I hope he will manage,” the demon suddenly interrupted Sam’s thoughts with a very worried voice. “They seemed to be very organized and knew where to hit us for the most damage, that’s unusual.”

“How did you manage to get out of there?”

“I fought one of their beasts off and ran, what else? The others were still fighting but I had to get help. We can defend ourselves, but they were just so many.”

Sam was even more worried than before now. What the demon said sounded very dangerous indeed. He knew Lucifer was strong, at least he assumed he was, given that he was an archangel, but that didn’t ease his worries at all. And why were they even attacked in the first place? What was the reason behind this? Apparently these things didn’t happen more often, or the demon wouldn’t be surprised.

“Hey, Giant!”

Sam shook his head and looked back at the demon, totally taken aback by the sudden interruption, especially with such a nickname.

“How about you make yourself useful and bring me some water?”

“Excuse me?” Sam blinked surprised. “Am I your butler and didn’t get the memo?”

“Ugh, sorry,” she rolled her eyes over-dramatically. “Would you please get me a glass of water?”

Sam huffed to hide his confusion, but did her the favor. He got a glass of fresh water from his own stash and brought it over to the bed, waiting for her to finish it. Apparently demons got thirsty too, who would have guessed?

“Thank you,” she said when the glass was empty and put it on the nightstand. “Sorry for being so rude, I’m not in a good mood right now.”

“Forget it,” Sam waved his hand. “You’ve just been attacked after all. And you seem worried too.”

“Of course I’m worried,” she sighed. “We just rebuilt our safe zone in Detroit a few months ago, we didn’t expect another attack so soon.”

“Do things like that happen often?” Sam asked and pulled a chair closer to the bed to sit down. “That they attack you, I mean.”

“They do it quite often, but this safe zone was unknown to them,” she narrowed her eyes in concentration. “The last one they attacked wasn’t as safe, it was just an old factory building we used for storage purposes while building up the actual safe zone.”

“And you have no idea how they found it?” Sam asked and she shook her head.

“Not a clue. We were warded against angels, hunters and everything else, but they still found us. Maybe we have a rat somewhere in our ranks.”

“Damn, that would suck,” Sam hissed. If they actually had a rat, no place was safe and he knew that. “I hope Lucifer comes back soon…”

“Me too,” she sighed. “I hate when we have to call him to help us, that’s what we are there for after all. To defend our zones. Lucifer has bigger things to do.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Sam tried to assure her, sadly without much cogency. “I’ve never seen him so serious before…”

“He can get pretty intimidating when he’s serious,” the demon laughed and shook her head. “You shouldn’t anger him, just a small warning. It’s not fun when he’s angry.”

“Yeah, I figured that much,” Sam huffed. “I’m Sam, by the way. But you probably know that already.”

“Of course, everyone does,” the demon said and rolled her eyes. “You’re famous amongst demons already. You can call me Megan, or Meg for short, I don’t care.”

Sam thought his jaw would fall off by how fast it dropped. Meg? Did she just say Meg? That couldn’t be, she didn’t look like Meg at all!

“Are you having a stroke?” Meg asked, poking Sam’s shoulder with her finger. 

“No… no, I’m fine...” Sam mumbled, totally baffled. He couldn’t believe this was actually Meg, but now that he looked at her a bit closer, he realized that it  _ could  _ be. Her vessel was different, but kind of similar to the Meg he knew, or not? The same hair, the same height apparently and, if he’d squint his eyes, even her face could be the same, just… a bit younger maybe. And with horns, even if they were rather small and less intimidating than the ones he had seen on other demons so far.

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost of something,” Meg scoffed.

“That’s one way to put it.” Sam cleared his throat and tried to act normal again. “I’m just surprised. I… I knew a demon named Meg in my world too.”

“Right, Lucifer mentioned something about you coming from a parallel world. So it’s true?”

“Yeah, kind of. It’s a bit complicated,” Sam scratched his head awkwardly. “This world is very different from mine.”

“What is your world like?” Meg asked curious, to which Sam couldn’t suppress a jerk of his lips.

“It’s… greener. I don’t know, but I guess that’s the best way to describe it. The apocalypse didn’t end like this there, we managed to stop it just in time.” Sam was surprised he could talk about this so easily, but it just happened.

“You stopped it, really? So, your world wasn’t destroyed like ours?”

“No,” Sam shook his head. “It’s pretty normal, I guess. We still fight demons and monsters of course, but most humans don’t even know any of them exist.”

“I knew it, you’re a hunter!” Meg exclaimed, but not in a good way. “You have these eyes, this look that all hunters have.”

“We have a look?”

“Oh yes,” she huffed. “You all have it, it comes with the job. It makes our skins crawl and be on edge as soon as you are close.”

“I didn’t know that,” Sam marveled. He wondered if this was a thing only in this world or if the demons he had met had seen the same things in his eyes.

“You don’t look like you’re about to kill me though, why not?”

“Why should I kill you?” Sam asked surprised. “You’re a demon, sure, but I don’t wanna kill you. I don’t want to kill anyone anymore to be honest. I’m tired of it.”

“Could you have a chat with our hunters so they feel the same?” Meg asked, to which both of them had to laugh a little. “I mean, if you have time and all.”

“I’ll check my calendar,” Sam grinned and Meg chuckled again.

“I like you, Sam,” Meg suddenly said, startling the hunter for a moment. “Don’t get me wrong, I hate hunters, but you’re not that bad actually. A bit wimpy looking, but I guess that’s because you’re human.”

“Says the one that looks like a little girl,” Sam scoffed with a smile. “Excuse me, okay? I’m double your size, I could break you in half.”

“I would love to see you try, Giant.”

“Sorry, but I don’t hit girls.”

Sam had expected Meg to be much more resentful towards him, but she didn’t seem to be like the other demons he had seen here so far. He wasn’t convinced that this wasn’t just an act, but for a few moments he found it nice to not be faced with hate from those who followed Lucifer.

“Do you think he’ll come back soon?” Meg suddenly asked, the concern back in her voice. “I know he is strong and all, but there were so many of them this time.”

“He promised he’d be back, so he will,” Sam said confidently. He was worried out of his mind, but Lucifer had promised to come back and he believed in his promise.

“I hope you’re right,” Meg sighed. “If he doesn’t come back we are screwed.”

“He’ll be back, you’ll see. He’ll be back.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lucifer finally comes back, he looks worse than Sam had ever seen. He insists that Lucifer lets him treat his wounds, which are worrying him greatly. It's not until Sam asks Lucifer to remove the eye patch he's wearing all the time that something very frightening and overwhelming happens.

Sam would be right with his prediction, but it didn’t come true until two hours later. For a while Meg and he talked, until she began feeling weak and Sam told her to just sleep if it helped her recover. He promised he would wake her when Lucifer came back, in case she didn’t wake up herself. After that, Sam once more walked over to the bookwall and browsed it without the intent to actually read. Talking with Meg had been distracting, but now that this distraction was gone Sam’s worries came back even worse. Of course he believed Lucifer would be back, but with every minute that passed his belief was becoming weaker and weaker.

He was in the bathroom to relief himself when he suddenly heard a thud outside, followed by a groan, and almost ran out and right into someone. Finally!

“Lucifer!” Sam was so excited that he didn’t notice Lucifer’s slouching posture at first, nor that he was drenched in blood. It only took him a few seconds before realizing the state Lucifer was in though and his eyes grew wide as he grabbed the angel’s arm immediately. “Oh my god, what happened?”

“Nothing, I’m alright. Just a few more than I expected,” Lucifer groaned. It was clear, however, that he was _not_ alright.

“You’re bleeding!” Sam insisted and guided Lucifer to one of the chairs almost forcefully. He was concerned by how easy this task was. “Meg, wake up and help me!”

Sam didn’t check if the demon was getting up or not, he was worried enough by the state Lucifer was in. His clothes were torn and slashed, blood came from basically every inch of his body and he kept pressing a hand to his face, right over one of his eyes, as if to stop more bleeding. This was worse than Sam had ever seen before and he had a hard time not starting to panic at the sight of Lucifer like this.

“It’s gonna be okay, you’re safe now,” he said without realizing the tone he spoke in was closer to crying than actual talking. “Meg, get me water please, we need water! And towels! My god, you will bleed out, we have to stop this!”

“Sam, it’s okay,” Lucifer said in an attempt to soothe the human, but it didn’t help because his voice was so weak. The hunter glared up at him with sparkling, fear filled eyes.

“Don’t you lie to me,” Sam said sharply while ripping off his own shirt and beginning to tore it into scraps. “I’ve seen okay and you’re _not_ okay! Meg where is the water?”

It only took a few seconds before Meg rushed to his side and put the same bucket he had used before down next to him, filled with clear water. She also put down the towels in her hand before kneeling down and turning to the angel.

“Master Lucifer, did you fight them off? Is everyone okay?”

“We’ve had losses,” Lucifer hissed, forcing himself to look at her and not Sam, who was still pulling on his shirt. “I need you to go back and help the others clean up the mess. Bury those we lost and then bring everyone here. Detroit isn’t safe anymore, bring them here until we find a better place.”

“Yes, master!”

Meg zapped herself away faster than Sam deemed possible, but she wasn’t important now. He had to stop Lucifer’s wounds from bleeding.

“I need to cut these clothes off, I’m sorry,” he said while drenching one of the towels in water and wringing it out. His hands were shaking when he wrapped it around Lucifer’s leg and got another. “The cold will reduce the bleeding, but it won’t be enough.” He repeated the same procedure with the other leg, hoping that the main artery wasn’t hit because then his attempts would be laughably useless.

Suddenly Lucifer lifted his left foot, not without it causing him obvious pain, but Sam realized what he was showing him. At the side of his boot, black so it couldn’t be spotted, was a knife. He grabbed it and stood up, giving the angel an apologetic glance.

“Just do it, it’s about time you see me naked anyways,” Lucifer said through gritted teeth, which made Sam smirk despite the situation.

“Sorry it’s not very romantic,” he grinned and started to work.

Sam was glad about the other’s joke, even if it was highly inappropriate. It meant that he was still fully conscious and in the moment and wouldn’t drift away the next second. He was careful to not cut Lucifer when he pushed the blade through the fabric of his shirt and slowly pulled it off. As he had expected, there were a few deep cuts across the angel’s chest, a lot more than visible at first, as well as one smaller wound that looked much, much deeper than the others, right below his ribs.

“Did… did someone stab you?” Sam gasped and sunk back to his knees, examining the damage. It looked bad, very bad, but hopefully the amount of blood made it worse than it actually was.

“You’re good,” Lucifer admitted, hissing when Sam examined the stab wound. “I got stabbed, yes, luckily with an angel blade. They didn’t expect me to show up, otherwise I wouldn’t be here now.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen what the right blade can do,” Sam said, remembering his own time during the apocalypse and what had happened to Gabriel. “I don’t need to see it again.”

“Will I survive, doctor?”

Sam forced out a chuckle and soaked one of the cloth stripes from his shirt in water before folding it and pressing it on the stab wound. He then covered it with Lucifer’s free hand so it would stay in place.

“If you stay away from angel blades for a while you should be fine,” Sam said as he tied together a few scraps of his shirt to create a bandage. He wrapped it around Lucifer’s stomach, tight enough to keep the pressure on the wound once the angel had lifted his hand. “I need to clean those and then we sadly have to take off your pants too. I don’t think your main artery has been cut, you’d be dead by now if it were, but I want to patch up everything.”

“This is your way of getting into my pants?” Lucifer laughed, a rumbling sound that was much more relieving than anything he had said until now to Sam. “By abusing my vulnerable state?”

“Gotta take what you get, sorry. I don’t make the rules.”

It took about twenty minutes before Sam had cleaned all wounds on Lucifer’s chest, but once all the blood are gone it was clear that the cuts would leave scars, but weren’t deep enough to cause any other permanent damage. Most important, however, was that none of them were life-threatening and the fact that Lucifer’s sass was still there was raising his hope too.

“Okay, ready to drop your pants?” Sam asked, waving the knife and Lucifer nodded with a smirk.

“Just be gentle, please,” the angel said with a fake, fearful voice. Sam smirked at this.

The hunter carefully unwrapped the towels from Lucifer’s legs and tossed them aside before beginning to cut the thick fabric of his pants. This time it was much harder and he had to stop to take off Lucifer’s boots, but eventually he had a small pile of scraps next to him and the pants were gone. Much to his relief, Lucifer’s legs weren’t half as injured as he had feared - only a few minor cuts and lots of bruises caught his attention. Again, Sam cleaned the wounds as careful as possible and wrapped more improvised bandages around the worst ones, this time made of Lucifer’s own shirt.

“Looks good so far,” Sam smiled at the angel, who returned the expression a bit weak. “But your face worries me.”

“Thank you, you’re not the prettiest either!” Lucifer huffed in an offended tone, which made Sam chuckle into his hand.

“No, you jerk! I’m talking about the blood. Can you take your eyepatch off, or do you prefer to do this yourself?”

“You’d see it at one point anyways,” Lucifer sighed and for the first time since Sam knew him pulled the black eyepatch off his face. “There you go, feel free to laugh or run away or whatever. I’ve seen it all by now.

Sam gave Lucifer a sarcastic glare, but refused to answer. Instead, he shoved himself closer to examine the damage. Lucifer’s eye was closed and he noticed that most of the blood came from above the eye itself, as his eyebrow had been sliced by a deep cut. He took a new wet piece of cloth and dabbed the area clean carefully. The bleeding had stopped by now, most likely thanks to Lucifer applying pressure to it, which Sam was very glad about.

“It’s nothing bad, no need to worry. A long bath and you’ll look as good as new.” Sam sniffed and grimaced. “Okay, maybe some new clothes won’t hurt either.

Sam was still only inches apart from Lucifer’s face when the angel opened both of his eyes suddenly and looked directly into his own, not only startling the hunter, but outright stunning him. It was impossible for Sam to take his eyes off the other’s. If he wouldn't have been frozen in place he would have fallen back for sure.

“Oh my _god…_ ”

Sam had never seen anything like this before - and he thought he had seen everything already. This was more fascinating and incredible than anything he could have ever imagined. One of Lucifer’s eyes, the one not covered by a patch all the time, was the same bright and alluring blue Sam knew. His other eye, however, was nothing alike. It was almost white with just a faint hint of blue, kind of like a diamond that was sprinkled with water. However, even though it was white, it didn’t look blind like the eyes of his own Lucifer had just before he died. No, there was such an intensity and depth in this eye that he could feel his heart skip a few beats, actually. It was as if he could see into Lucifer’s soul, only that the angel could do the exact same while he did. He had no words to describe it.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Lucifer said, but to Sam his voice sounded far, far away, as if he spoke behind a thick wall. “I usually cover this eye for a reason, it tends to frighten those who see it.”

“No...” Sam whispered, almost inaudible. “I’m not… frightened...” And he wasn’t, at least he didn’t think so. The opposite was the fact to be honest; he was intoxicated and completely mesmerized by this sight. “I’ve... never seen anything like this before…”

“It’s a gift from my brother,” Lucifer said, blinking unusually long and thus pulling Sam out of his almost hypnotized state a little. “He did this to me with a poisoned blade during a fight, hoping to blind me. But I’m anything but blind.”

“What do you mean, anything _but_ blind?”

Lucifer closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath as if to prepare himself for something. When he looked up again, Sam almost fell back at the intense glow in his eyes.

“I can see _everything_ now. What you see and what you could never imagine to lay your eyes on. There are so many things you can’t see, Sam, and I see them _all_.”

Sam gulped audibly. Now he _was_ frightened, but not enough so he would be taken aback. He was intrigued much more, both by the way Lucifer looked at him - as if he could see the very cells his body was made of - and by his words. The fight, the blood and worry - simply anything else he should be thinking about - were completely blown away.

“I can see you too, Sam.”

“Well… I… I hope you can?” Sam knew it was a weak attempt at being funny. Lucifer didn’t mean it like that at all and that was obvious right away.

“No, I can see the _real_ you. Your body, your aura, even your _soul…_ I see _everything_.”

“And… what do you see?” He couldn’t help but ask. Something about all of this made him forget being cautious or worried in a way he never thought was possible.

“Perfection,” Lucifer simply said, his voice smothering, deep and warm. It made Sam’s skin tickle just hearing him speak like that. “Your soul is so incredibly bright, Sam. It’s stronger than any other I have ever seen and it’s beautiful in a way that words could never describe. There are very few things in all of creation that deserve the title perfect, but your soul is one of them.”

Sam was completely dumbfounded. He was sure that he was blushing furiously, but it was impossible to care for that. No one had ever spoken to him like this, most of the time they told him the opposite instead - that he was a monster, that he was dangerous and a freak and evil. Hearing these words, especially coming from Lucifer, was overwhelming and touching.

“There is a darkness in you,” Lucifer suddenly said, as if he could read Sam’s mind - and Sam was pretty sure that he could do that easily right now. “It’s strong, but it’s buried under the purity of your soul and kept at bay. Compared to this, it’s almost insignificant.”

“Lucifer…”

“I’ve seen all kinds of souls through my life and I have never encountered one like yours,” Lucifer continued, as if he had not heard Sam. “You are good Sam, more than you give yourself credit for, and if you could see what I see when I look at you like this, you would never again doubt yourself and your decisions.”

Sam’s whole body felt like electricity floated all through it. He couldn’t stop himself, even if he would have had control over his actions. The last months, his worry over Lucifer, his loneliness despite company, the angel’s words; everything coming together made him do what he did next, thinking about the consequences only came later. Their lips met only seconds after Lucifer stopped speaking and for the first time in what could have been forever, Sam felt true bliss wash over his mind. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to cherish this most likely unique moment and the peace that came with it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their kiss, Sam feels very strange and goes to sleep. Still, he returns to Lucifer during the night and they have a rather interesting and nice chat. He can't help but wanting to be near Lucifer it seems.

It felt like an eternity that they kissed, but for Sam it couldn’t have been long enough, especially when Lucifer relaxed and actually kissed him back. For this short period of time, Sam felt like crying from the sheer intensity of emotions. There was something so painfully familiar about their touch that Sam’s heart ached when Lucifer eventually pulled away. It was like he lost something precious that he might never get back.

For two whole minutes the two simply looked at each other, Lucifer visibly shocked from what had just happened between them. The longer Sam looked at him, the more he succumbed to the creeping up horror and fear inside of him. His face felt incredibly hot while the rest of his body was freezing cold and his chest tightened so much that he could barely breathe.

“I’m so sorry, oh god....” even Sam’s voice was just a shadow of itself, crackling and pleading desperately. “I didn’t… I mean I did, but I didn’t mean to… I…”

“Sam, breathe,” Lucifer said forcibly calm. “It’s all good, really.”

“No… no no no!” Sam gasped breathlessly. “I… I shouldn’t have done that! I’m sorry, I didn’t think, I didn’t think at all… that was so uncalled for!”

“You didn’t stab me, Sam.” This time, Lucifer sounded much calmer and even smiled at the hunter softly. “It was a kiss, not attempted murder.”

“But it wasn’t  _ right _ !” Sam insisted, running a hand through his hair desperately. He couldn’t believe what he had just done. How could this have happened? And why now, in this completely impossible situation? Sam felt so awful he thought he would throw up at any given moment.

“It’s all good, I promise,” Lucifer assured the brunet and laid a hand on his cheek. Sam looked up almost panicking, his eyes wild and wide and completely out of himself. Lucifer’s expression softened when he looked at him. “Maybe it’s the blood loss, but that was actually very nice. I already feel a bit better now. Apparently your saying to ‘kiss it better’ actually works.”

Sam could feel his heartbeat in his ears, his hands tingling and as much as he tried to concentrate, the humming sound in his head was overwhelming. A part of him wanted to kiss Lucifer again, but another part wanted to run away as fast as he could and hide in a hole somewhere for the rest of his life. This was surely the most embarrassing thing he had ever done in his life.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” Lucifer continued, his thumb gently stroking over the stubbled skin on Sam’s cheek. “You had a very eventful and rough day, maybe it’s best if you go to bed now.”

In lack of a verbal response, Sam just nodded. He could barely fight the urge to lean into Lucifer’s touch and it got more and more difficult with each passing second. When Lucifer stood up, Sam followed him immediately, the angel’s hand still on his cheek and his eyes still looking into Sam’s own, making it unable for the hunter to break eye contact. He could have stayed like this for the rest of his life and he wouldn’t have complained, even if the mere thought was hideous. 

“You were really amazing today,” Lucifer said and, much to Sam’s surprise, leaned forward for another kiss. It was short and gentle, almost like a piece of satin brushing over Sam’s lips, but it had a very similar effect as the first. Sam’s knees became weak and he only managed to support himself by holding onto the other’s arm. He hadn’t felt like this in so many years, he couldn’t understand what was going on. When Lucifer broke the kiss, a faint smile decorated his lips. “Go and get some rest, we can talk tomorrow if you want to.”

Sam couldn’t answer. Again he was reduced to a weak nod when Lucifer retreated his hand. For a moment he wished that the angel wouldn’t go, that he would stay with him and that they’d talk now, but he knew this was a bad idea. He was exhausted and conflicted, his shaking hands alone were proof for that. So, instead of asking Lucifer to stay, as his first urge had been, he walked over to the bed and laid down.

Despite not thinking he would find any rest for a long time, Sam was out within a few minutes already. In the end, it  _ had  _ been a rough day, even if he wanted to deny it. Between the worry about Lucifer and their kiss, he had also met this world’s version of Meg and probably lost some of his mind on the way too, while he was at it. After all, he had just kissed Lucifer! Lucifer, the literal freaking Devil of this world and the reason it was in ruins. And still, it had felt so amazing, hadn’t it? Sam couldn’t explain why he felt so much bliss during the short touch of their lips, or even more when Lucifer had done it  _ again _ . He should feel scared and awful, but he didn’t. 

Sam fell asleep, but his mind couldn’t forget what had happened before during the whole time. He kept thinking, kept wondering what had happened that he suddenly felt the urge to do something stupid like this. Maybe it was just his sheer exhaustion and unstable state in the end, it could be. But why did it feel so good then? Was he really so lonely that he did something like this just to feel a little better? Or was he so relieved that Lucifer would survive and so touched by his words that he forgot everything else around them? When Sam woke up a few hours later, he still had no answer. His head hurt and he still had a hot knot in his stomach that made him want to scream, but he didn’t know what on earth had gotten into him to do something like this. 

After laying there and staring at the ceiling for a few minutes - which was difficult because it was still dark outside - Sam slid off the bed. He stood there for a whole five minutes to decide what to do next and what he came to do was probably even crazier than their kiss. For the first time since he was here, Sam walked over to the door that Lucifer had said led to his own bedroom and knocked on it. There was no reaction at first and Sam was about to give up already when a faint ‘Come in!’ reached his ears. Slowly he pushed the door open and peeked into the room.

“Lucifer?” Sam knew he acted very intrusive right now, but he couldn’t help it. “Is everything okay? Do you need something?”

It took a moment before the darkness was lightened up by a lamp next to the bed, but when it did, Sam saw Lucifer sitting on it and looking at him.

“I am fine, thank you,” Lucifer said with a warm smile. “What about you? Do you feel better now?”

“Yeah, a little,” Sam awkwardly scratched his neck and looked up. “Hey, can we talk for a moment? I mean, if you have time of course.”

“I always have time for you, Sam;” Lucifer said and patted on the big spot next to him on the bed. “Come inside. I hope you’re not surprised, this room isn’t very luxurious sadly.”

Sam nodded and followed Lucifer’s invitation. He didn’t bother to look around much, even though he noticed that the room was indeed rather shabby and empty.

“About last night,” Sam began when he sat down, sighing deeply. “I’m sorry, really. I shouldn’t have kissed you, that was very inappropriate and rude.”

“I told you already that it’s okay and I meant it,” Lucifer insisted, still smiling. “You forgot yourself for a moment, nothing to be ashamed about.”

“I know, but I shouldn’t have done this.” Sam shook his head. “I don’t know what got into me, it just… happened.”

“And?” Lucifer asked, drawing Sam’s gaze up to him. “You could have done worse, Sam. What you did was worry about my health and you did everything in your power to help me, which I am very thankful for.”

“And I kissed you without your consent.”

“So did I after that,” Lucifer smirked. “We’re even. And now stop blaming yourself for every step you make, it’s not going to help you in any way.”

Sam smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He was glad that Lucifer wasn’t mad at him, but how could he stop being mad at himself for doing something stupid like this? It wasn’t as if this had been the first time, really, and all because of some flowery and charming words?

“In case you are worrying,” Lucifer continued after a moment of silence. “You are a good kisser, so I won’t say I didn’t enjoy it.”

“You… _what_?” Sam’s voice died in his throat and he felt his cheeks becoming hot again.

“I think you heard me,” Lucifer chuckled. “It’s all good, I am not mad at you and I am glad you were here to help me when I came back. This fight was awful and I don’t know if I would have made it if it weren’t for you tending to my wounds.”

“But… you’re an archangel,” Sam mumbled, a little confused. “Couldn’t you have just… healed yourself?”

“Of course,” Lucifer smiled. “But even an archangel can have a hard time recovering when they were attacked by three dozen angels at the same time. Our power is like a battery and if we use too much of it, we have to recharge.”

That made sense, but it was hard to believe for Sam that he had actually helped Lucifer. Maybe he assisted him a little, but he had freaked out basically while doing it.

“I’m glad you are okay now,” Sam eventually said, looking down at his hands. “Meg was really worried too.”

“Ah yes, Meg.” Lucifer leaned back into his pillow. “She’s a very loyal one, but a little reckless at times. I hope she wasn’t too mean to you.”

“No,” Sam quickly shook his head. “She was actually rather nice! I mean, after a while. Just like our Meg, kinda…”

“Your Meg?” Lucifer asked and Sam turned around with a smile.

“Are you that surprised?” he asked. “I mean, she was different and all, but their personalities are rather similar.”

“So, your Meg is a little annoying demon too?”

Sam had to laugh at this, as it was a kind of fitting description of the Meg he had known. The most fitting part being annoying, especially when she had possessed him.

“She was… unique,” he eventually answered. “At first she was really nasty and even possessed me, but she… kind of turned? I don’t know why, but she changed. After the apocalypse she was different.”

“What happened?” Lucifer wanted to know amused. “Maybe I can use it to help with mine too.”

Sam’s gaze turned a little sadder and his smile vanished.

“It ended,” he simply said. “She was on our Lucifer’s side when the apocalypse was going on, that didn’t help her after we jumped. Another demon took over hell and everyone who was loyal to Lucifer had a very bad time after that.”

“She’s very loyal indeed,” Lucifer said. “Mine is too. She can be annoying, but she is still young. Out of all my demons, she is the one who stayed most human.”

“Why that? Do you have any idea?”

“I assume you know how demons become demons? Souls being tortured and corrupted in hell, the whole ordeal?”

“Yeah, I heard of it,” Sam huffed.

“Well, Meg wasn’t like that. She died when she was only eighteen, suicide.” Lucifer shrugged at Sam’s surprised glare. “She didn’t even get tortured much. It only took a week until she changed and became a demon. I think that’s why she is still very human inside, there was not enough punishment to fully get rid of it.”

“Wow, that would answer some questions,” Sam mumbled. “Our Meg was able to show compassion by the end.”

“Yes, she can do that here too. But mostly it’s directed at me, don’t ask why. I have no idea.” Lucifer laughed awkwardly, something that made Sam’s stomach tingle slightly. “She’s a good one though, very reliable and strong.”

“She’s nice, yeah,” Sam smirked. “I like her.”

“I think you’re the first human she likes too, in a long time at least,” Lucifer nodded. “She told me what you told her about my other demons too, how they treat you.”

“Oh,” Sam’s face flushed even worse than before now. “I… I didn’t mean to complain or anything, really. It just came up…”

“No, it’s okay,” Lucifer raised a hand to prevent Sam from interrupting. “I’m glad I know and it will not happen again. You are not a threat, you are not a spy either. You are my guest and they will treat you with respect or suffer the consequences. My home is yours now, Sam.” Lucifer gave the hunter the most affectionate and gentle smile he had seen until now. It made his whole body feel warm somehow. “No harm will come to you here and this is not their decision, it’s mine and mine alone.”

“I’m flattered,” Sam said honestly. He was a little embarrassed, but that Lucifer actually cared for this matter was very moving. The angel was full of surprises it seemed, but most of them turned out to be very nice ones in the end.

“I am very content with you being here, Sam,” Lucifer suddenly said, which pulled Sam out of the strange mesmerized state that he had slipped into. “You are special and you are unique to this dying world and having you by my side is a new experience that I enjoy very much.”

“But, I’m just me…” Sam muttered.

“And ‘just you’ is what this world has never seen before - what  _ I  _ have never seen before,” Lucifer smiled. “You told me you were never born in this world and now look what it has come to. Your world is different, you saved it countless of times. Your world is  _ alive  _ because of you.”

Sam had never thought about it this way before, after all it was very narcissistic to claim that he was the savior of the world and mankind. The world wasn’t alive because of him, or not? 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Sam and Lucifer continue to talk, the conversation takes a different turn and Sam finds himself giving into his new found desires once more. He knows it's not right and that he shouldn't feel like this, but it's impossible to stop it.

Sam stayed silent for a very long time, just thinking about Lucifer’s words and unmoving. Did he really think like this or was it just a way of fawning on him? Then again, Lucifer had no reason to do that. Sam was already here and he didn’t plan to go anywhere, so this explanation made very little sense. But he couldn’t be the reason his own world was still the way it was, no way.

“You don’t have to believe me, Sam,” Lucifer said after a while. “I wouldn’t know how much this world might have changed if you had been born here, but I know that it would not be such an awful place if that were the case.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t be,” Sam sighed and looked at his hands on his lap. “But you surely would be. My Lu- … the Lucifer I knew didn’t profit from me being born.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You said you were told about true vessels, about two halves and all these things… well, for him it happened, but it didn’t help.” Sam felt awful saying this, but deep down he knew it was the truth. “Lucifer came to me speaking the truth and I claimed he was a liar that tried to use me. There is no good outcome to this… I’m the reason he was imprisoned in the cage again, I’m the reason he had to force his way out and that he lost his child and… and that he died…”

“No, Sam, I don’t believe you were the reason for that.” Lucifer laid a hand on Sam’s folded ones, but the hunter didn’t turn around. “I don’t know what happened, but you weren’t the reason this happened. You couldn’t be.”

“Do you wanna know what happened?” Sam finally asked, giving Lucifer the most heartbreaking glare. “I let him down, that happened. He came to me in peace and I declared war on him. He offered me his help and I accused him of trying to end the world. Even when we were stuck here and tried to survive I refused to believe that he had any good intentions…”

“You did what you thought was right, Sam,” Lucifer assured him and squeezed his hand slightly. “I’m sure he knew that. These things were out of your control, nothing more.”

“No, you might be right with a lot of things, but this time you’re not,” Sam shook his head. “I should have been the one to reach him, to understand him. It’s in me, I knew that all the time. But I didn’t want to believe it. Lucifer was the devil, the one who was the root of all evil. I couldn’t accept that I was just like him, that I understood him because we had experienced the same things… I… I just couldn’t…”

“It takes great compassion to understand someone’s reasons and that you understood his is a good thing,” Lucifer explained slowly. Sam didn’t even notice how he moved one of his hands to hold the angel’s. “You knew in your heart that he had been wronged and knew it was unjustified.”

“But I didn’t help him,” Sam mumbled. “I fed him to the wolves, again and again.”

“Because you didn’t know what else to do. You were taught he’s evil, then he told you that you are his destined vessel and you couldn’t accept it, isn’t that it?”

“Yeah,” Sam sighed. “I didn’t feel threatened at all when we first met actually. He was… calm and reasonable, he did nothing that would have caused my appal. If he would have threatened me, like Michael did with Dean… but he didn’t. He never did, to be honest.”

“And why not?” Lucifer wanted to know, earning another sigh.

“He told me I would say yes anyways, that I would come to him… and I did.”

“So, he had no reason to threaten you. He knew you and knew how you’d act and he decided to wait. Michael was never that patient, neither in your world nor in mine.”

“Don’t remind me.” Sam shook his head quickly to push back the memories. “Stomach cancer, throwing Dean into a world similar to this or us both into a world where we weren’t hunters… he even killed an angel that was trying to help us just to prove his point. And in the end he possessed Adam, our brother…”

“Michael seems to be an ass in every world,” Lucifer scoffed, to which Sam cracked a weak smirk. “Say, if your Lucifer would have done the same, would you have said yes?”

“I don’t think so, no,” Sam said. “I don’t even know what made me say it in the end, probably desperation and hopelessness.”

“If he would have come to you and said: ‘Sam, I need your help to fight my brother so this apocalypse can end before it starts. This was never my wish, it’s God’s plan and I want to end it now, before innocent people die.’ Would you have said yes? Would you have believed him?”

Sam looked at Lucifer like a deer in the headlights. He had no answer to this.

“You had to find out the truth yourself and he knew that, I’m sure of it. I never wanted this mess either, trust me. Fighting my brothers isn’t exactly the most desirable thing for me.”

“So, you’re telling me it had to happen the way it did? But why?”

“I don’t know, I’m not the one in charge, I’m afraid,” Lucifer said. “What I learned is that we have to fight for our free will and our life, even if it means being cruel to those who don’t deserve it sometimes. You were cruel to your Lucifer because you fought for what was right in your eyes and that’s a noble cause. You wanted to save people and not cause suffering.”

“Maybe you’re right…” Sam looked back down at their hands and began brushing a thumb against the angel’s palm. “It still feels wrong. After what Lucifer told me while we were stuck here, I wish I could go back and change my decision. He just didn’t deserve this.”

“And exactly this is what defines you, Sam. Your wish to could go back and do better, your wish to help someone you wronged. You are not responsible for what happened, but you still want to change it and fix any damage possible.”

“But it doesn’t matter, I can’t do it.”

Suddenly Lucifer’s hand was on Sam’s chin, lifting his head up and gently turning it around. He met the angel’s eyes and was surprised to find nothing but understanding in them.

“It’s _not_ your fault, Sam,” Lucifer repeated, more firmly. “I can assure you that never meeting you would have had catastrophic consequences and your Lucifer was much better off because you were there than he would have been without you. What happened to the two of you was horrible and awful, but it would have been much worse if you wouldn’t have been there.”

“Like it was for you?” Sam asked, covering Lucifer’s hand with his own. “You were promised your other half and never got it, not even out of your reach, right?”

“Yes and you can’t imagine how it feels to know that you are destined to be alone for the entirety of your existence and to be hated by everyone, without anything to change that. When you have everything and suddenly it’s ripped away from you and you are cast out into the cold and loneliness of a cage, without anyone caring, and you have to watch your mere name being associated with evil and hate. And then you came and I can finally begin to see what this broken promise could have been like. Don’t blame yourself, Sam. You were a gift to your world and to your Lucifer alike, not a curse.”

Sam could feel the tears form in his eyes, but he couldn’t even bother to blink them away. Lucifer’s words hit a nerve in him that he didn’t know even existed. He couldn’t help but wonder how devastating the life Lucifer described would be like and what he realized made his heart heavy. At least he had had his brother and friends, but Lucifer had no one, not even his demons. They were merely servants, but there was never anyone who had shown him sympathy or understanding or even… love.

“I don’t know what to say,” Sam whispered. “I… I’m sorry you had to go through this.”

“You don’t have to be,” Lucifer assured him and gently brushed a finger over his cheek. “Even by just being here you changed everything for the better. I’ve hoped for my other half to come to existence, I have prayed and begged and a long time ago I have given up because I realized it would never happen. I know you are not technically  _ my  _ other half, but the effect you have on me is astounding.”

“But I don’t… do anything…” Sam frowned. “I’m just  _ here _ .”

“Yes you are here and you choose to be. With me, the most unlikely person to stay with after what you had to go through. And still, you stayed. You might not think this decision was important, but to me it was the only good thing happening ever since my fall.”

“I don’t wanna leave anymore,” Sam admitted shyly, blushing even though Lucifer knew this already. “I like you, I’m worried about you… if I have to be in this world, I’d rather be here with you than anywhere else.”

“I told you already that I like your company and I do,” Lucifer smiled. “But I hate to see you blaming yourself for things you can’t change. And sometimes for the things you do because you feel like it.”

“You mean like kissing the Devil after he almost died from being attacked by a few dozen angels?” Sam asked, earning a smile.

“For example.”

“I don’t feel bad for it,” Sam assured him. “I mean I did, but not anymore. I enjoyed it, kind of.”

“Well, you better enjoyed it,” Lucifer huffed in an offended tone. “I usually don’t allow every random human to kiss me, I hope you know that!”

“I’m honored that you didn’t smite me then,” Sam smirked. “And besides…”

The hunter leaned forward, bringing their lips together once more in a touch that sent spirals of warmth and cold through his body at the same time. He had no idea why this was happening, but he could actually get used to this.

“I can’t say you're a bad kisser either,” Sam said when he pulled back from the angel. “But I still think it’s highly inappropriate to kiss the Devil out of the blue.”

“You should know that the Devil doesn’t care for inappropriateness, that’s something heaven can concern itself with.”

Sam had little time to react when Lucifer suddenly pulled him closer and kissed him again. It happened so fast and surprisingly that all he could do was let it happen and close his eyes at just how sweet and amazing it felt when the angel wrapped his arms around him. If it weren’t for his conscience, he would have let everything happen at this point, but after a minute Sam pulled back with the saddest look in his eyes.

“Lucifer, don’t get me wrong please because I really enjoy this, but-”

“It’s too fast and too soon, I know,” Lucifer interrupted Sam to finish his sentence. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t resist. It’s better if we just… go on as normal, don’t you think”?”

“Yeah,” Sam sighed sadly, still sitting almost  _ on  _ Lucifer as he did. He enjoyed this too much for it to be a good decision, but he couldn’t move away just yet. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, this time it was me,” Lucifer smiled. “You have a very addictive… personality.”

“Sure, that’s what you had on your mind just now,” Sam laughed. “I will take my  _ personality  _ away now, not that something very bad happens.”

It took Sam a lot of concentration to shove himself away from Lucifer, but he managed to do it eventually. Not that he wouldn’t have enjoyed what was happening, but he couldn’t come to terms with it happening at this point. Yes, he liked Lucifer and he was desperate for someone to be close to, but it wasn’t the right time or reason for this. He was glad Lucifer didn’t seem to be mad, but he was a little disappointed with himself for just throwing away such an opportunity. Maybe another time… Sam hoped so at least.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam still feels awkward after what happened between him and Lucifer, but he enjoys spending time near the angel and hates when he has to leave. On another day when Lucifer is out doing what he does, Sam has a conversation with Meg that opens his eyes about a lot of things and puts everything he knows about this world's Devil into a new perspective.

Maybe it was just Sam’s imagination, but it felt like he spent more time with Lucifer after they had kissed a few times. It was casual and very similar to the way they spent time before, but it felt like it was more and Sam didn’t really mind. The next day Lucifer’s power had already recharged enough so he could heal himself completely and he informed Sam that the survivors of the Detroit massacre were now with them on the island, just to keep them safe. Of course this made Sam raise a brow, as he wasn’t used to Lucifer caring for his demons, but maybe this one was different in this way too. He had been surprised quite a few times already after all.

Lucifer was still considerate and friendly, nothing in his behavior towards Sam changed apart from him staying with him longer. There were no more kisses and no more intimate touches, but it didn’t become overly awkward either. Sometimes one of them would crack an ambiguous comment or joke to which they both laughed, but none of that felt forced at all, like Sam had feared. They were just the same as before, even though he often thought about their kisses when he laid in bed at night and tried to fall asleep. It was hard not to, really. Sam couldn’t figure out what the truth behind his joy in these moments had been, but every time he thought of them he could barely suppress a smile.

It took about a week before Lucifer told Sam that he had to go on another trip and would stay away for a few days, but he ordered Meg to look after Sam from time to time, so he wouldn’t miss anything. This time, the hunter was visibly sad to see the other leave and voiced his concern about his safety. It wasn’t something he usually did, but this time he couldn’t hold it back.

“Don’t worry, Sam,” Lucifer said with a smile. “I don’t expect any fighting this time, so everything will be fine.”

“I hope so,” Sam sighed and looked sadly at the angel. “Just promise me you’ll be back in one piece, okay? It’s boring when I’m alone here.”

“I promise I will be back soon. Until then, Meg will make sure you have everything you need.”

Sam didn’t like seeing Lucifer leave, but he knew that there were things to take care of, so he didn’t complain. Instead, Sam decided to tidy up his room and find something to distract himself with until Lucifer came back. It was evening when Meg eventually showed up, holding a huge plate in her hands that made Sam’s mouth water.

“Dinner is served,” Meg exclaimed when she put the place down and revealed all the delicious treats for the human. Sam couldn’t have been more obvious with his appetite when he plopped onto a chair next to the plate and began eating. Meg seemed to be very amused when she sat down across of the human.  “Damn, is Lucifer starving you or what?” 

Sam shook his head and swallowed the bite in his mouth before answering.

“He’s not starving me,” he said with a smile, getting another sausage from the plate. “But these are delicious!”

“Good,” Meg laughed. “Eat up, you need it after all.”

“How are you doing now?” Sam wanted to know, trying to initiate some small talk. “Did everything heal well?”

“Sure, demons have a pretty effective way of healing wounds,” Meg grinned kind of proud. “Took a few days and I was as good as new. Some others were off worse, but by now everyone is recovered.”

“I’m glad everything is okay,” Sam sighed. “Lucifer was very worried, but he said the island would be the safest place for everyone.”

“It is, he’s right,” Meg agreed. “They don’t know we are here, so we will be safe. Lucifer is patrolling with groups of demons daily to make sure the wardings are intact and everything is the way it should be.”

“I noticed that. He’s taking this very serious.”

“Of course, we can’t lose any more innocent people.”

“I wouldn’t call demons innocent, but you are probably right,” Sam huffed. He was about to take a spoon full of vegetables when Meg made him stop dead in his movements.

“Who said the innocents were demons?”

“What?” Sam asked confused and gave her a weird glare. “But, I thought Lucifer’s servants were all demons?”

“Of course, but Detroit was a safe haven for everyone, including humans,” Meg huffed. “They attacked only an hour after we took in a family of four, all human, and they slaughtered every single one of them. Lucifer was furious when he found out, you couldn't imagine.”

“Okay, wait a second…” This didn’t make sense. Why would Lucifer’s demons take in humans and why would Lucifer himself be angry that they were killed? Shouldn’t it be the other way around in both cases? “I can’t follow you, sorry.”

“I don’t know how much you know, but we don’t exactly run around and kill humans,” Meg scoffed.

“I didn’t think you would, but taking them in?” Sam still didn’t get it. “Wouldn’t that be, you know, the other side’s job?”

“The angels keeping humans safe?” Meg laughed so much, Sam thought she would choke from not breathing anymore. All the while he just sat there and stared at her in complete confusion. When her laugh finally ebbed away, her voice was amused beyond reason. “They prefer to smite them on sight, no mercy for humans on their minds.”

“That makes no sense at all…”

Sam tried to imagine angels mercilessly hunting and slaughtering innocent humans, but his mind couldn’t cope with this information. Why on earth would they do something so horrible and cruel?

“You haven’t met the angels in our world yet, huh?” Meg asked with a smirk. “They aren’t really the protective kind you might know. They are ruthless to the very core.”

“Our angels aren’t protective either, but they… they don’t kill humans if they can save them. It’s usually demons who do that…”

“Welcome to Bizarro World, I guess your rules don’t apply here.”

“Okay, now I _need_ some answers.” The food was long forgotten because this new piece of information was all that occupied Sam’s mind at the moment. “If Lucifer protects humans, what’s his goal? I mean, what is this all about if not him trying to end humanity?”

“ _ End _ humanity? Are you joking?” Meg laughed again, but this time way more sarcastically. “Lucifer tries to _save_ what’s left of your kind. It’s not easy because the angels literally hunt them down, but sometimes we are successful.”

“That makes absolutely no sense..."  


“I don’t know how your apocalypse went down, but ours was pretty straight forward. Lucifer faced his brother Michael on the battlefield and one of them snapped. Small hint, it wasn’t the archangel you know.”

“What do you mean, Michael snapped? What happened?”

“I only know what others told me, sorry, I wasn’t there. But apparently Michael lost it when Lucifer wouldn’t comply to his rules. He wanted to fight, he wanted to settle this once and for all, and Lucifer didn’t play his game. He unleashed a firewall that burned everything within a twenty mile radius and Lucifer barely escaped his anger. Ever since we have to hide like ants because Michael’s troops are always trying to find and destroy us. Sometimes we gain a bit of ground, but more often than not we are forced to hide even better... Detroit is just an example of the way we live sadly.”

“Damn…” Sam hissed. He didn’t expect something so groundbreaking different going down, but he also had no reason to think Meg was lying. There was nothing to gain from doing that, so she must be saying the truth.  


“You said your apocalypse happened too, right?” Meg asked curious. “What happened there? What was different?”

“Well,” Sam started, but his throat was too dry to continue. He quickly took a few sips of water and tried again. “They met too, but not like this. I was there because Lucifer possessed me, but I saw everything that happened. They just… talked? They never actually fought though. I managed to jump back into the cage with Lucifer and Michael before anything worse could happen.”

It was hard swallowing down the memories of this fateful day. He remembered everything as if it happened merely hours ago - how Lucifer had beat up his brother and how he suddenly retreated and all he could feel was pain and sadness; how he took control and jumped into what should have been his end. It was as clear as day.

“You jumped into _hell,_ with  _ both  _ of them?” Meg sounded shocked. Sam have her a shrug and a nod. “Damn, Giant, you have some balls to do that.”

“Are you kidding me?” Sam laughed. “I was scared out of my mind! I knew I would die down there but I had to do it, there was no other way. The sole reason to say yes to Lucifer was to get him back in the cage. When things didn't work out and they actually met I grabbed Michael’s arm the last moment and just jumped without thinking.”

“As I said, you got some balls.” Meg seemed to be very impressed. “I don’t know about your Michael, but ours is like a rabid dog. He even kills his angels if they don’t succeed to follow his orders, no matter how ridiculous they were. You’ve dodged a dangerous bullet.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I understand the whole picture yet.” Sam shook his head. “Are you trying to tell me that Lucifer’s goal isn’t to end humanity and destroy earth? That he’s not the bad guy in this scenario?”

“If Lucifer is the bad guy, I’m an angel,” Meg huffed. “He’s the only one standing between Michael and the complete destruction of this world as we know it.”

Sam was completely out of words. How was this possible? How could it be that the Devil was actually trying to save this world and humanity, while his brother tried to destroy it with his angels? If this was true, he had thought about Lucifer in a very awful way until now. All this time he had thought the other hated his kind and tried to kill every single one of them while throwing this world into chaos. He couldn’t believe that it was actually the other way around now.

“That’s not what you expected, isn’t it?” Meg asked and Sam nodded weakly.

“Our Lucifer… he wasn’t the good guy,” Sam mumbled. “He said it himself, he just wasn’t. But what your Michael does… even he would have never gone this far.”

Saying this out loud made Sam feel like a traitor, but it was the truth, wasn’t it? Lucifer had said it himself. But even though he had sacrificed a whole town of humans to summon Death and was responsible for the death of many, many more, Sam didn’t think he would have gone as far as this world’s Michael did. For his Lucifer humans had been an annoyance and a plague, but not so much that he would have actively hunted them and killed them for fun. As much as Sam tried to imagine it, he simply couldn’t. That just wasn’t the Lucifer he knew, good  _ or  _ bad.

“Well, you’re not in Kansas anymore, Alice. This is Wonderland and it sucks.”

Sam smiled weakly, but he couldn’t deny she was right. It was almost impossible to stomach this new information, but it felt as if something in Sam had known the truth for a very long time now. Lucifer had never acted the way someone who was trying to destroy this world would have, or not? When he thought back, even all those years ago, when his own Lucifer had possessed him, there had been no such intention. All he remembered was the overwhelming desire to stop all of this madness... and still, he couldn't process the true meaning of Meg's words just yet.  


In the end, this was most definitely Wonderland and it sucked massively, Sam could accept at least that without any questioning.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tries not to change his behavior towards Lucifer, after all the angel doesn't know what Meg told him. And still, things change between them. Slowly, but they do. It's nothing bad however, only when Sam finally voices out his wish to go somewhere else, somewhere off the island, that things take a turn for the worse.

After Meg had left, Sam could still barely shake off his confusion. He sat on his bed, thinking about what she had told him. Of course he believed her, but this wasn’t like accepting that the sky in this world was purple instead of blue. It was a little more significant and Sam felt awful for assuming Lucifer was the one responsible for the chaos around them. Of course he couldn’t have known, but that didn’t help at all.

The real question, however, was is this new information changed anything for him or not. Anyone else would have probably answered no, as the situation Sam was in stayed exactly the same, but the human didn’t think like that. Yes, the basic situation stayed the same, he knew that, but the overall premise had been thrown upside down completely. He had been under the assumption that he was staying with the big evil of this world and now he was told that Lucifer was in fact the opposite. How could this not change everything?

Not that Sam wouldn’t have liked the angel before he knew this already, of course. He had liked Lucifer already when he had thought he was evil, so that didn’t change now. What did change was the way Sam handled the situation. When he thought Lucifer was evil, he could easily tell himself that it was wrong to like him and that his confusing feeling were rooted in loneliness. But now? Now Sam realized that there might be much more behind this than such a simple explanation. If the explanation wasn’t that simple though, could he still pretend to like Lucifer just because he was taking away his loneliness? The answer was simple; no.

At first Sam didn’t mention to Lucifer that Meg had cleared this topic up for him. He wanted to keep things the way they were, just with them getting along, without allowing this information to dictate his behavior. Instead, he decided to observe the situation and see what it was actually about. What he saw, only fueled his belief that there was something happening between them that he couldn’t explain. Nothing bad, not at all, it was rather nice, even though he didn’t understand it fully.

There was still laughter, the times they were talking or simply those when they were both silent and doing their own thing - everything was just the way it was before for the most part. But then there were new things, like Lucifer accompanying Sam on his daily walks over the island or him sometimes falling asleep in one of the chairs next to the fire, while Sam was reading in the other. When that happened, Sam walked over to Lucifer’s room and got a blanket for him, before turning off the lights and going to bed too. He didn’t mind the angel in the same room when he was sleeping actually, it was soothing to know he wasn’t alone.

For Sam the fact that Lucifer was the good guy was almost a given within a matter of two weeks, actually. He simply had no reason to doubt this fact. To be honest, Sam had grown so accustomed to his daily routine that it was almost a shock when he suddenly wished for something else. He tried to hide this wish for quite some time, but very unsuccessfully. Eventually, expecting the worst possible answer already, he decided to say something.

“Can we make a trip somewhere?” Sam asked out of the blue one day while Lucifer was reading through some papers at his desk. The angel turned around confused.

“A trip? In this wasteland out there?” he asked and raised a brow.

“Isn’t there some place nice?” Sam insisted charmingly. “Like a forest or the ocean… anything but this island, really. Please?”

Lucifer sighed and put away the papers before turning towards Sam.

“It’s dangerous anywhere off this island, Sam,” he said calmly, but obviously disappointed. “I can’t guarantee for your safety out there.”

“I’m only talking about half an hour or so,” Sam begged and gave Lucifer his best puppy dog eyes. “Please, this place is nice but I need to see something different for a bit…”

“Maybe another day, I’m very busy at the moment.”

Sam pouted, but for now accepted the answer. That didn’t mean he stopped trying though. As he had said, the place was nice, but he felt like the ceiling would fall onto his head and it got worse every day. Not even going outside helped much, as it was always the same place and always the same scenery. Of course he knew the dangers, but what damage could half an hour or maybe one do?

Sam didn't forget this topic, even though Lucifer would have wanted him to. Instead, he kept bringing it up again and again over the next few weeks, slowly driving Lucifer mad and causing him to tense up as soon as he opened his mouth. It took almost a month before Lucifer finally had enough of it.  


“Okay, thirty minutes and not a second more!” he barked when Sam once again asked the same question. The hunter beamed at him with excitement. “You won’t leave my side and will do as I say, even if I tell you we have to leave, understood?”

“Of course, yes! Just take me somewhere that isn’t this island finally!”

Lucifer nodded and took one of Sam’s hands into his own, zapping them away. 

As soon as they arrived, Sam let go of Lucifer’s hand and stumbled a few feet away. His eyes were wide when he looked around the massive and deep forest they were standing in. It had been months since he had see a tree the last time and even then it had not been such a huge and stunning looking one. The air around them didn’t smell like salt at all, it carried the richness of the forest in it and Sam breathed it in as if his life would depend on it.

“I hope you like it,” Lucifer said while looking around, scanning the areas for possible dangers. “We can’t stay long, but it’s something.”

“It’s amazing!” Sam exclaimed excited. He fell on his knees to look at a bunch of flowers that were growing on the ground - yellow and purple and red mixing perfectly with the mossy green surface beneath them. “I didn’t think such a place still existed.”

“Not many still do,” Lucifer sighed. “Forests and fire don’t mix well and there is no one left anymore from stopping wildfires. This forest has been damaged by fires too a long time ago, but it didn’t reach this part.”

“It’s like a whole different world,” Sam smiled. He didn’t feel this free in a very long time. Everything about this place erated peace and growth, unlike the rest of this world that Sam had seen. He almost wanted to believe that, if places like this existed in this world, it might not be lost completely. Maybe it was fighting to survive, like Lucifer had said. And maybe it was succeeding.

“We should leave, something is wrong,” Lucifer said after just a few minutes of silence, his face showing concern and fear. “It’s not safe out here, we shouldn’t have come in the first place.”

“Lucifer, relax,” Sam smiled at the angel and handed him one of the flowers he had picked. “No one knows we are here, why are you so worried?”

Sam barely managed to finish his sentence before his eyes widened in surprise and the flower he held dropped to the ground as his hand opened. He stared at Lucifer for a moment, watching the expression on his face change from concern to worry and quickly to actual panic. They both looked down at Sam’s stomach at the same time, watching the dark wet patch there grow bigger and bigger every passing second. Sam’s mouth formed a small ‘O’ at the sight, but there was no sound coming from him.  


There was no pain, not really. Sam couldn’t feel anything apart from the shock. Only when Lucifer suddenly opened his mouth and he couldn’t hear anything he realized that this was not just his imagination. Sam’s knees gave in and he fell to the ground in silence for himself, but Lucifer heard the groan he let out. The angel dropped to his knees right away, grabbing Sam by the waist and pressing a hand on his bleeding wound. Before he could do anything, however, something slashed through the air and he barely managed to escape it by rolling to the side.

Forcing himself to let Sam lay on the ground, Lucifer jumped back on his feet and scanned the area for any sign of an attacker, but it was useless. Again he tried to get down to Sam, but the second his hand touched the hunter there was another attack and he had to jump back again. Something, or better, someone, tried to prevent them from leaving and Lucifer had a wild guess as to whom he was facing.

“ _ Michael _ .” Lucifer’s voice cut through the silence around him and after a moment the air was filled with laughter.

“What’s the matter,  _ brother _ ?” The voice apparently came from everywhere at once and Lucifer clenched his hands to fists while trying to control his anger. “Out of practice?”

“I can still beat you in a fair fight,” Lucifer barked and gritted his teeth. “But you prefer to hide and play unfair, right, Mikey?”

Lucifer knew that Michael was most likely not alone, but he had no desire to fight his brother now. He had to get Sam away from this place, fast. A quick glance at the hunter told him that he had to hurry. Not only was there way more blood now, but Sam’s hands that he was pressing onto the invisible wound were shaking and his grip was weak. If only…

“Not so fast, Luci!” Michael’s voice echoed again the mere moment Lucifer made a move towards Sam and the angel cursed himself for even agreeing to this in the first place. He had to hurry before it was too late.

“Nice trap you caught us in,” Lucifer grinned and stepped away from Sam a few feet, pretending to search for his brother. “Did you get bored slaughtering my demons in Detroit?”

“Detroit was dead the moment you decided to set camp there,” Michael said and send another attack towards his brother. This time, Lucifer could see that he was dealing with metal chains before jumping away and also where they came from.

The worst weren’t Michael’s attacks tho, he was just an annoyance in Lucifer’s eyes, as always. He was worried about Sam more and more each moment, who was now shaking from head to toes and he could hear his faint voice call his name. This, more than the attack itself, made him furious.

“Just admit it, Mikey!” Lucifer continued teasing the other in hopes he would follow him and stay away from Sam. “You’re getting desperate! Father is gone and you still follow the old man’s orders. You never learned how to think for yourself, did you?”

A deafening scream rang in Lucifer’s ears, distracting him enough that he was unable to fully evade the next attack. One of the two chains coming towards him hit his shoulder and threw him to the ground, but he managed to jump back almost immediately. No, he wouldn’t let Michael win so easily, not when he had Sam to protect.

“Getting tired, little brother?” Michael asked and Lucifer grinned through his gritted teeth.

“You wish!” He scoffed. “You could just give up, you know? Spare us both the embarrassment of your lousy fighting skills.”

Again chains came towards Lucifer and he jumped to the right, rolling away as soon as he hit the ground, but this time the attack was poorly aimed. Finally! This was the moment he had been waiting for. With a smirk Lucifer vanished from where he laid and reappeared a few feet to the left, immediately disappearing again when he heard a new attack coming towards him - this time a much hotter one. Michael was using his fire against him. He had hoped his brother would change his attacks this way because it gave him a time frame of a few seconds before he was able to refocus.

When the next fire bolt came out of nowhere, Lucifer zapped himself to where Sam laid and grabbed his arm. He was counting on his luck now, but this time it was on his side. Only half a second before another ball of fire hit the spot where Sam laid, Lucifer managed to zap himself and Sam away from the forest. He couldn’t hear the devastating scream of anger that followed, nor did he witness the explosion that took place just a moment later and that turned the whole forest into a burning inferno.

They had escaped Michael this time, but it had been a close call, closer than ever before, and the moment they did, Lucifer swore to himself that he would never let Sam end up in such a dangerous situation ever again. Facing Michael was one thing, but putting Sam in danger was inexcusable and he would not allow this just one more time. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After barely managing to get away from Michael alive and saving Sam, Lucifer is furious and for the first time actually snaps. The only problem is that Sam is just as angry and still in shock about what just happened and the two push each other over the edge and end up in a situation neither of them expected.

Lucifer had not aimed to a specific place when he had zapped them away from his brother, so they ended up somewhere outside when they arrived. There was no way Lucifer could have cared though, he immediately covered Sam’s wound with his hand and focused his grace to heal the human. To his surprise, this task was very easy and he actually looked at his blood covered hands when the wound was closed, wondering why he could heal Sam within a matter of seconds when it took hours normally. He had little time to question what had happened though, because Sam woke up from his blackout quickly.

The hunter sat up and checked his stomach almost frantically, to which Lucifer let out a relieved sigh. He was alright again, otherwise he couldn’t have been so fast.

“Where are we?” Sam asked, searching for Lucifer’s eyes. “What happened? Did I… did I bleed?”

“What happened?” Lucifer asked grumpily and narrowed his eyes. “We got attacked, that happened! I told you we should leave, I  _ told  _ you! But no, you had to pretend we were on a fun vacation!”

“Hey, don’t yell at me!” Sam shot back right away, hurt by the way Lucifer suddenly spoke to him.

“I will yell as much as I want!” Lucifer yelled and pushed himself up, away from Sam. “You know nothing about this world and the dangers out there, but you had to leave the island, you just had to! And why? Because you were bored!”

“You…” Sam huffed and stood up too, hands balled to fists at his sides and shooting Lucifer an angry glare. “You decided to go there, not me! And what do you expect, that I’m happy just sitting in a room all day?”

“At least you are safe like this!”

“I don’t want to be safe, I want to  _ live _ !”

The two glared at each other as angry as never before, both breathing heavily with their shoulders and chest heaving from the effort.

“The little princess wants to live, yes?” Lucifer scoffed suddenly, earning an even more intense glare. “Do you want me to build you a castle with a pretty garden maybe? Do you want to walk on rose petals even? Hell, why not ask me to make a unicorn for you, just because?”

“What are you  _ talking  _ about?”

“Just tell me, what the hell do you want me to do?” Lucifer’s eye flashed red and Sam swore he could see shadows form behind him for a moment - shadows in the shape of enormous wings. “I have had it up to here with your attitude, Sam!”

“I don’t want to be kept in a freaking cage, you gigantic son of a bitch!”

Sam had never said anything remotely foul-mouthed towards Lucifer before, which might have been the reason the angel was baffled for a moment and he could continue.

“I’m sick of being kept inside like a prisoner that’s allowed one hour outside a day, don’t you get that? That’s no life, okay, that’s awful!”

“You try to tell me what it’s like to be in prison?” Lucifer asked furiously and walked up to the hunter. “I’ve been in a cage for eons, longer than you can even imagine! Don’t you dare tell me I keep you in a cage, Sam, don’t you  _ dare _ !”

“Then stop treating me like a pet for god’s sake!” Sam countered just as enraged. “Every single day is the same, everything I see is the exact same thing I saw the day before! I'm tired of it, Lucifer! Tired!”

“You want something different, yes?” Lucifer asked and squinted his eyes. “I'll show you different!”

When the angel suddenly grabbed his collar, Sam was scared out of his mind. Only now he realized how much he had allowed his anger to control him and he was about to apologize when Lucifer crashed their lips together forcefully and took his breath away completely, along with any possible apologies.

This time there was nothing sweet or gentle about the angel's touch, the opposite was true. Lucifer pressed a hand on Sam's back and pulled him closer and all the hunter could do when he felt the other's tongue enter his mouth was gasp weakly into their kiss. He grabbed for Lucifer’s shirt in a desperate attempt to find some sort of support, but there was nothing that could have steadied him at this point. Everything in him screamed for more and Sam was too starved for something like this to resist.

Lucifer took Sam's lack of a fight as a sign to continue, much to Sam's relief. He picked the hunter up effortlessly, coaxing another moan when he slammed him against a nearby wall. He slid a hand into Sam's pants, which finally made the brunet break the kiss to throw his head back in ecstasy.

“Different enough for the little princess?” Lucifer asked before pulling back Sam's shirt and sinking his teeth into his shoulders. Sam screamed out his approval, digging his nails into Lucifer's back in return. By now he was practically grinding against the other, all dignity long forgotten. He didn't know how much he needed to be touched like this before Lucifer finally did it. Sam was still furious and angry, but damn he couldn't deny that he wanted this.

“If you stop now I'll kill you!” Sam hissed desperately before biting his lip.

“Oh I won’t, trust me…” Lucifer grinned and bit down again, obviously enjoying the lustful noises Sam made. His hand grabbed the hunter's crotch in demand, earning an immediate reaction when it grew bigger in his palm. Sam made a displeased grunt when he retreated his hand. He looked back at Lucifer with a daring gleam in his eyes.

“Scared, angel?”

“In your dreams, pet!”

Suddenly Lucifer shoved a knee between Sam's legs, pressing right against his hardening manhood and the hunter finally lost it. He grabbed Lucifer's face and pulled him into another kiss, deep and demanding and without holding back. Screw morals, screw doubts - he needed this, he  _ wanted _ this and he wouldn't stop now. Between them battling to dominate the kiss and Sam grinding against Lucifer's knee was no room for thinking anymore.

Lucifer almost tore apart Sam's and his own clothes, not caring if he ruined anything or not. It was a delicious feeling for Sam to be grabbed so roughly, even if he would never admit it to anyone else.

“Oh god, just do it, please!” Sam growled, grabbing Lucifer's arms just as harshly.

Lucifer didn't need a second invitation, much to Sam's delight. He was rock hard by now, which made the hand Lucifer pressed against his bare cock even more incredible. Sam didn't think twice before wrapping his legs around Lucifer's waist to pull him closer. He let out an encouraging growl when cold hands slid down his back. There was so much heat building up between them that Lucifer's touch felt like a blessing.

There was practically no warning when Lucifer lifted Sam up again, but the next thing he felt was a sharp pain rushing through his system. He screamed out loud when Lucifer pushed into him with no preparation whatsoever. It was the perfect mixture of pain and pleasure and Sam clung to the angel's neck as if to save himself from drowning.

“You almost got yourself killed, you stupid moron,” Lucifer grunted, earning another pain filled moan when he let Sam down completely.

“Fuck you!” Sam hissed in return. He had to fight just so his eyes would open, but he managed to shoot the other an angry glare. “Are you gonna finish this or do you wanna talk?”

“Oh I'll finish you, don't worry,” Lucifer grinned.

As soon as the angel began moving, Sam’s mind was shut off. This wasn't romantic or gentle, not even a bit. Lucifer was rough and harsh, Sam's screams only encouraging the animalistic act they committed. Sam couldn't tell at times if he was screaming from pain or pleasure, it was all too overwhelming to differ between the two. The only thing he knew was that he kept begging for more, for Lucifer to go faster and to not stop. He was completely lost in this.

Lucifer's pace was inhuman, but Sam craved every second of it and soon his nails had left deep marks on the angel's back and his voice was hoarse and weak. His own back would probably be covered in bruises the next day, too, given the force he was pressed against the stonewall with. Lucifer was not careful with him at all, he was like an animal that only followed his instincts - his hands grabbing Sam possessively tight, pressing their bodies together to keep the human up, and his rutting had something so wild and unrestricted to it that Sam couldn't even find a moment to breathe.

It all didn't last longer than ten minutes, but for Sam it felt like hours had passed when he noticed Lucifer's pace changing. He became even rougher and faster, reaching spots in Sam that the hunter was unaware of before with his deep thrusts. Sam was so exhausted by the time he felt the explosion in his groin that he couldn't let out more than a faint 'oh God’ when he came. He barely noticed the cold filling him up only seconds before Lucifer stopped moving, but the grip on his hips was so intense that he could still feel the pain through the veil of bliss.

Sam could barely catch his breath when it was over, his whole body was aching and trembling and he thought he would pass out at any moment. Now Lucifer's hands were gentle again, holding him close while calming down from his own high. When Lucifer lifted him up to pull out, Sam couldn't hold in a disappointed groan.

“Fuck… you…” Sam’s voice was cracking and faint, but it still earned a chuckle in return.

“I would say fuck you too but I already did that,” Lucifer said and carefully let Sam down.

“Asshole.”

Being forced to stand suddenly made Sam realize how weak his legs were. He couldn't hold himself up alone, so he leaned against Lucifer for support. He wanted to be angry at the angel for making him do this, but it seemed impossible to be. All that Sam could do was lean his head against the other’s shoulder instead.

“I hate you, you stupid Devil,” he huffed.

“Really?” Lucifer asked and Sam swore he heard the smug grin in his voice. “Didn’t feel like that a minute ago.”

Sam knew he was blushing, but since his face was almost buried against Lucifer's skin he hoped he wouldn't notice it.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he said and showed the angel a finger. “It wasn't that great.”

“It wasn't?” Lucifer asked and laid a finger on Sam's chin to make him look up. “Are you sure about that?”

Sam knew what would follow and he still couldn't prepare himself. After this furious and rough act, the gentle kiss Lucifer pulled him into was utterly confusing. Sam's eyes closed on their own the moment they touched and he could feel a warmth spread through his body that felt incredibly sweet. All his anger was blown away, only leaving room for delight and excitement. He knew what they had just done might turn out to be a huge mistake, but at the moment he didn't want to think about that.

“I'm trying to be sure,” Sam mumbled when they parted their lips, but he didn't move further away. Instead, Sam stayed so their foreheads were touching and he was still holding the angel around his neck. “God help me, I'm trying to be…”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s all too much for Sam. He can’t process what just happened or what consequences it would have, so he does the only thing he can at the moment and leaves. Being alone and having the room to think isn’t fun, but it helps Sam to understand a few things, especially about his relationship to Lucifer. It doesn’t make anything less confusing or difficult, but when Sam finally comes to terms with his feelings he knows which way to go.

After Sam had collected his clothes from the ground, with only his pants being intact and not torn apart, Lucifer zapped them back to the apartment. They didn’t speak until Sam was about to walk away from Lucifer and the angel held him back by grabbing his wrist. He didn’t look at the human though, he looked at his hand instead. Sam waited for the other to say something, but he just stood there, holding his hand and silent.

“Sam, I-” Lucifer eventually started, but Sam immediately interrupted him.

“Please, not yet,” he said quickly. “I… I can’t right now. I need some time, I’m sorry.”

Sam hated the self-loathe he felt when he pulled his arm out of Lucifer’s hand, but he couldn’t talk to him at the moment. He still couldn’t process what had just happened and he had to be alone before another storm of unwelcomed feelings would take control over him. Even though he didn’t want to leave Lucifer standing there like this, he walked over to his wardrobe to fetch a shirt and some shoes and almost rushed out of the building with them in hand. He barely made it outside before he noticed his eyes were stinging and he cursed his newly discovered weakness for tears.

Ever since he had wandered around the island of Alcatraz by himself, Sam had found a few spots he liked in particular. One of them was close to the ocean, on a cliff, with only one jump making the difference between life and death. Not that he ever wanted to jump, but this place had something about it that made Sam feel at peace. Today, with his mind in turmoil and his feelings stuck in a hurricane, Sam came back to search for this peace again. He was focused solely on the water surface and sat down without even looking anywhere else. When he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the silence that was only interrupted by the waves breaking against stone, he hoped desperately that it would help him calm down.

In a perfect world, Sam would have realized the truth of the situation, jump up and ran back into Lucifer’s arms. Reality wasn’t perfect however, especially not this reality, and Sam simply sat there and waited for hours and hours. He calmed down eventually, at least physically, but it only led to another outburst of tears because he had no strength to hold them back any longer. It helped being alone, to let it all out with no one seeing or hearing him, at least a little. The ocean was a quiet listener, one that didn’t ask questions or made him feel worse.

When his tears finally dried and Sam rubbed his eyes to get rid of the nasty sticky feeling, he felt a little lighter than before. Everything still ached of course, especially his back and the certain part he was sitting on, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been. With a deep sigh, Sam looked back up at the sky that was slowly darkening by now. It was getting late, but he had no desire to go back inside just yet. The dark didn’t scare him, nor did anything on this island anymore. The thing that was scaring him was nothing he could see or run away from and that was the problem.

Sam knew that what had happened only a few hours before wasn’t just because they had both been angry and frustrated. It hadn’t been the first time he had felt like this and usually his first instinct wasn’t to have angry sex and he kind of doubted that it was any different for Lucifer. No, there was more behind this and that was the part that was scaring him more than he wanted to admit. Ever since he lived with Lucifer it was clear that the angel was growing on him, that he started to like him and his presence, but this? This went much further than that and Sam didn’t know how to handle it.

Even if the act itself had been rough and almost brutal, with no affection or gentle touches whatsoever, Sam had enjoyed it more than just a little. Of course it could be because the last time he did something like this was almost a year ago, but he didn’t think so. It was different somehow, not only because he was the bottom one this time. Yes, it had been his first actual experience with a man - in lack of a better description for Lucifer - and with an angel alike, but it was more than that.

“I wanted him to do it,” Sam said out loud, frowning at his own words. “Since the first kiss I wanted him to do it…”

He couldn’t deny it anymore, it was the truth. This whole thing was going on for months already and all this time he knew that one day he would explode from trying to hide it and today… today it had just happened. His anger had finally broken the wall he had built up to protect himself from doing something stupid. Nothing else had managed to do what his anger did and he began to think that Lucifer had gone through a similar experience for him to lose it like that.

Sam groaned and covered his face with his hands. This was such an awful mess and he had no idea how to get out of it. Despite what he had said back there, he didn’t hate Lucifer at all, not even a little. How could he hate someone who was so genuinely caring, thoughtful and protective? How could he hate the man, or angel, that had saved his life and that made him feel peaceful and happy and...

“And home,” Sam said. “Lucifer makes me feel like I’m finally _home_ again.”

Home. Sam didn’t think he would ever use this word again, but that was exactly the case. This world wasn’t his home and neither was this island, but Lucifer was. It felt strange saying this and feeling this nice and soothing warmth build up in his chest when he did. He remembered the saying that home wasn’t a place, but rather a person, but he had never believed this to be true. Now that he was sitting here and realized that it actually was, it felt kind of surreal.

There was still a part in Sam that was heartbroken about the fact that he couldn’t have felt like this with the Lucifer he had known for so long, but it wasn’t painful anymore, not really. It was like a dull ache that never really went away, that he couldn’t forget, but that also didn’t make him suffer anymore. Sam didn’t believe he would ever stop missing Lucifer or wish that he could bring him back, but he had accepted what had happened and that it couldn’t be.

“I’m sorry we weren’t able to be happy together, Lucifer,” Sam said, looking at the now almost black sky. He knew Lucifer couldn’t hear him, but he had to say these things. “I wish you would still be alive, it’s not right that this happened to you, but I’m glad for the time we had together at last and that we could talk so much. I know it doesn’t mean anything anymore, now that you are gone, but I miss you. I’m sorry for wronging you the way I did. I hope you can forgive me one day, wherever you are. I’m really sorry.”

Even without his words ever reaching the one they were directed at, it was like a huge stone had fallen off Sam’s chest. When Sam looked back down, the wind suddenly picked up and a gust hit him right in the face. It almost felt like a brush of fingers, maybe like a gentle hand caressing his cheek. His head flew back up and he looked around with wide eyes - hoping despite all odds that he had somehow brought Lucifer back - but of course he was still alone on the cliff. Sam lowered his head in disappointment when he noticed something that he didn’t deem possible on this island.

Right there on the ground, only a few inch away from his hand, was a small plant. Everything around it was ashes and rocks, but in the middle of it all this tiny green offspring had made its way out. Sam was so fascinated by the unfamiliar color in this place that he couldn’t take his eyes away.

“A dandelion…” Sam whispered and carefully brushed a finger over the leaves.

He couldn’t believe that he wasn’t hallucinating. Everything on this island was dead, he had not once seen any form of vegetation on here and the only animals were a few seagulls every now and then. But this little one fought through the layers of stone and ashes to live and grow, it was incredible to witness. Almost like in the forest, Sam was astonished. The difference was that he had no idea where the forest actually was, it could have been in Russia for all he knew, but this plant was right here next to him, on the very island he lived on. Even if it was much smaller than the trees, it held much more meaning for him.

Sam pulled his hand back and looked at it for a moment in a similar fascination he had shown for the dandelion. He was alive too, wasn’t he? In a dead world, he was still alive, he was breathing and he was feeling… wasn’t that amazing too? He could have easily died in this cabin too, without the chance for another day. It was true, he had lost someone dear to him and had his heart broken in the process, but he was still here. His guilt about Lucifer’s death had stopped him from appreciating the gift he had received and even if he would mourn his loss for the rest of his life, somehow he didn’t think Lucifer would have wanted this life for him.

“I got another chance to do the right thing,” Sam mumbled, watching as he balled his hand into a fist and opened it again. “It didn’t work, we couldn’t make it work between us, but I got a second chance to start from the beginning.”

There was no way that Sam could see this Lucifer as a replacement for the one he knew, they were too different and he knew that by now. But in the end, they _were_ the same being. They had lived different lives after one point, they had made different choices and different experiences, but this was still Lucifer in a way. He couldn’t be a substitute for his Lucifer, Sam didn’t even want him to be, but there was definitely something between them.

Maybe their connection didn’t end with the death of one of them… maybe it was too strong for that. Lucifer had always insisted that it was meant to be, that they were made for each other, so was this thought really that far fetched? If it was the other way around, maybe Lucifer would have found a different version of himself somewhere too. Sam couldn’t believe that what he experienced right now was just because he could move on from Lucifer without looking back, that wasn’t the case. He was drawn to this Lucifer without his consent, from the very beginning already. And just as the angel he knew had grown on him again in the end, this one had done too.

“M.f.e.o…” Sam whispered, his voice barely audible through the breaking waves. “Two halves that can’t be whole without the other… is this what you meant, Lucifer? That these two halves will come together no matter how?”

There was no answer, of course not, but Sam felt a certain calm come over him. All this time he had refused to accept his feelings for this new Lucifer, but they didn’t care for his consent, they had just grown stronger every day. It was impossible to deny that he wanted to be close to this Lucifer and that he cared deeply for him.

“And I just ran away like a fool and didn’t even give him the chance to explain himself,” Sam groaned and slapped a hand against his forehead. Way to go, what a stubborn and childish thing to do. If Lucifer wasn’t offended and hurt before, Sam could only imagine that this had finished the job. How utterly stupid of him!

Sam jumped to his feet, careful not to stomp on the plant in the process, and turned on his heels. He had to find Lucifer and apologize before it was too late - he hoped it wasn’t already, but after such a rude rejection he wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

It only took a few minutes before Sam was back at the house they lived in and he sprinted up the stairs, taking two and sometimes three steps at a time. When he slammed open the door he half-hoped that Lucifer would still be standing where he left him, but the angel was nowhere to be seen. Cursing himself for being so dumb, Sam checked Lucifer room, which was empty too, and finally walked over to the window to see if he could spot him anywhere outside. This time, luck was on his side.

Lucifer was standing where he had shown Sam the outside of the house for the first time, leaning against the rail and looking at the ocean just like Sam had done before. The hunter wasted no time and rushed back down the stairs. When he finally arrived outside he was completely out of breath and had to take a few moments to calm down again. Lucifer was alarmed by the noise of course and turned around while Sam was still crying to catch his breath.

“Are you alright?” Lucifer asked immediately, a worry in his voice that made a smile appear on Sam’s lips.

“I’m okay,” he gasped and forced himself to stand straight. “I was looking for you.”

“I hoped you would come back,” Lucifer sighed and stepped closer. He stopped a few feet away from Sam though, as if to not invade his personal space again. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“I know,” Sam said quickly and ran a hand through his hair. Suddenly he felt very nervous and awkward. “I shouldn’t have run away, I’m sorry. I needed some time to think and to calm down, but that’s no excuse for being so rude and cold.”

“No, you don’t have to apologize.” Lucifer shook his head. “I lost control, I yelled at you and hurt you and… I just lost it. I freaked out and snapped at you and I apologize for the things I said and did.”

“So… you regret what happened?” Sam asked shyly, blushing a little. “Because I don’t, not really.”

“You… you don’t?” Lucifer blinked confused, apparently he hadn’t expected this reaction. “Sam, I practically raped you!”

“That’s not really a thing when I want you to do it, you know? Rape would mean lack of consent and that didn't exist,” Sam smirked awkwardly. “We were both angry and yelling and you did something that I’m not at all mad about.” The hunter made a pause, trying to find the right way to continue and get out what he wanted to say for a while now and never dared to. “I… I liked it, okay. Maybe it wasn’t the way I imagined it to be, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want it.”

“You _wanted_ this?”

“For a while now, yes...” Sam admitted. “I mean, I’m not sure how or why and what the hell is even going on, but when I kissed you that one day I just… I really liked it. And I like you, a lot. I'm a lost cause, I know that, but when you are around I feel a little less lost somehow and I like this feeling...”

“But I hurt you,” Lucifer insisted, frowning. “I forced you to do this.”

“No, Lucifer, you didn’t,” Sam said and closed the distance between them until they were merely inches apart. “I wanted this myself, but I didn't know how to make the first step. I was scared and I'm not sure if I would have ever done anything if this didn't happen.”

"Sam, you..."

"I mean it, Lucifer," Sam tried to sound more confident, even though his voice was shaking just as much as his hands. "You didn't force me into anything, you never did. Maybe it wasn't the most gentle approach, but it doesn't matter because I wanted it."

“Sam,” Lucifer sighed and cupped the hunter’s cheek with a hand. “I don’t know how to handle the things I feel for you and hurting you is not how I want to do it, you have to believe me. I want you to be with me, to be close to me in any way possible, but not against your will.”

“It’s not against my will,” Sam smiled. “It never was because I want to be here with you too. I’ve been sad and lonely for too long, I don’t want that anymore. Being with you makes me feel like I actually belong somewhere, like I can be happy again...”

“You can’t imagine how much it means to me to hear this from you,” Lucifer said and placed the gentlest kiss on Sam’s lips. “I won’t let anything happen to you ever again, Sam, I promise. I thought I forgot what love is a long time ago, but you show me that I was wrong, that I still remember.”

“Lucifer… did you…” Sam gulped, blushing even more while looking into the angel’s eyes. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

“I believe I did, yes,” Lucifer said, stroking Sam’s cheek. “I think I love you, Sam.”

Sam’s voice was gone, but Lucifer spared him the embarrassment to not have an answer right away by kissing him again. It was like a tiny death when Lucifer wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer and Sam closed his eyes to just cherish this moment of sheer happiness. He would return the words later, when his mind would function again, but for now all he wanted was to be held and feel safe in Lucifer’s arms. This was something Sam never thought would happen again and it was way too intense and consuming to call it anything but what it was: he was falling in love.

This world sucked and they were in constant danger of dying, but somehow that all didn't matter when Lucifer was there. And maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay again one day. For the first time since he had come to this world, Sam began to feel hopeful again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, this story is officially over. I hope you enjoyed it <3

**Author's Note:**

> Gifted to my wonderful bro Leo, who inspired this fic in the first place and who kept motivating and encouraging me, even when I was about to delete everything and forget I ever started this. Thank you bro, I love you ♥


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